"Ode to Valentine's Day" joke

Hearts and roses and kisses galore...
What the hell is that schtuff for
People get mushy and start acting queer
It's definitely the most annoying day of the year.
This day needs to get the hell over with and pass.
Before I shove a dozen roses up Cupid's ass.
I'll spend the day so drunk I can't speak
And wear all black for the rest of the week.
Guys act all sweet but soon it will fade?
For all they are doing is trying to get laid.
The arrow cupid shot at me must not have hit,
Because I think love is a bunch of $#!+.
So there's my story... what can I say?
Love bites ass... SCREW VALENTINE'S DAY!

From "New Scientist", attributed from R.D. Hayler, Stoke-on-Trent, Staffordshire, to a friend:
Two sodium atoms are walking along the street when one stops and says, "Oh my God, I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" asks the other more...

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Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!

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FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't
say a word...
he more...

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A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...

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Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!

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