"Laws for Parents" joke

* A child's behavior will improve in proportion to the distance she is away from the parent.* Two is equal to two, except when referring to time. Two minutes of tantrum lasts 20 times as long as two minutes of quiet time.* The choice of a preschooler's best friend corresponds directly to the distance the friend lives from your house.* The chance of a surprise visit by your parents-in-law is directly proportional to the size of the mess in your home.* A child will always eat exactly what she has loved for the past year---unless it is the only food in the fridge.* The ease with which a toddler acquires the ability to say a word increases with its likelihood to embarrass a sailor.

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