"Good Deeds" joke
A lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates.
Saint Peter asked him, “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven? ”
The lawyer thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street. ”
Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the records, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that it was true.
Saint Peter said, “Well, that’s fine, but it’s not really quite enough to get you into Heaven. ”
The Lawyer said, “Wait, wait! There’s more! Three years ago, I also gave a homeless person a quarter. ”
Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who, after a moment, nodded back to affirm that it was true.
Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, “Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow? ”
Gabriel gave the lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, “Let’s give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell. ”
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