"Betting For Beer" joke

Two guys walk into a bar and sit down at a table.
The barkeep comes over to them and asks, "What can I serve you gentlemen?"
One of them says to the barkeep, "I'll bet you a pitcher of you finest beer that I can lick my eye."
The barkeep says, "I've had guys come in here that could lick their nose but never have I ever seen one that could lick his eye. I'll take that bet."
So the guy reaches up, pulls out his glass eye, licks it, and puts it back in his eye socket.
The barkeep says, "Damn, you got me."
He brings the guys a pitcher of beer and goes about tending the bar.
When that pitcher starts to get low the barkeep comes back and asks, "Are you gentlemen ready for another?"
The same guy answers, "I'll bet you another pitcher of your finest beer that I can bite my ear."
The barkeep hesitates for a moment and looks at the guy's left ear, his right ear, and says, "There's no way you've got an artificial ear. I'll take that bet."
The guy reaches up, pulls out his false teeth, bites his ear with them, and puts them back in his mouth.
The barkeep says, "Damn, you got me again."
He brings the guys another pitcher of beer and goes about tending the bar.
A little later the betting guy is drunk, gets up and staggers over to the bar and lays a $100 bill on the bar saying, "I'll bet you a hundred that I can pee and fill 10 shot glasses lined up on the bar with their rims touching without spilling a drop on the bar from 3 feet away."
The barkeep says, "It'll be worth $100 to see that so I bet you can't do it."
He puts his own $100 on the bar, lines up 10 shot glasses and steps back.
The drunk whips it out and pees all over the shot glasses, the bar, and the floor.
The barkeep picks up the two $100 bills, gets out his towel and starts to wipe it up. He then notices the drunk is smiling and says, "I just made $100 so I'm smiling, you just lost $100, why are you smiling?"
The drunk says, you see they guy over there I've been drinking with all this time?
I just bet him $1, 000 that I could come over here, pee all over the bar, and that you'd wipe it up with a smile on your face.

A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...

156
35

A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...

465
212

This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book. He's checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I more...

40
14

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by a fierce back-country tribe during the colonial times in the United States.
The tribal chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you we're going to kill you, and then use your more...

23
8

One day a cucumber, pickle and a penis were having a conversation.
The Pickle says, "You know, my life really sucks. Whenever I get big fat and juicy they sprinkle seasonings on my and stick me in a jar.
The Cucumber says, "Yeah, you think that's bad? Whenever more...

214
57
Be first to comment!
remember me
follow replies
Funny Joke? 90 vote(s). 84% are positive. 0 comment(s).