"Barney episodes we'd like to see (but probably won't!)" joke

"Barney gets a boner"
"Barney's night with Madonna"
"Barney, Beavis & Butthead"
"Jurassic Barney"
"Barney talks to the authorities about missing children"
"Barney gets the lab results on those green spots"
"Barney buys a rubber"
"Barney barbeques the backyard gang"
"Picking up the dino-doo"
"Bopping baby bop"
"Barney's favorite sailor songs"
"Barney comes out of the closet"
"Barney meets Godzilla"
"Barney on a bender"
"Barney has needs..."
"Barney at Betty Ford"
"Barney admits eating all the adults"
"Barney's big purple one"
"Barney buys a blow-up doll"
NOTE: No one assumes responsibility for this drivel and we're not even sure where it came from (rumors are that it was left on our doorstep by a large yellow bird, who ran away shouting something about "that overstuffed purple bastard!").

My friend told me these songs about Barney. I hope you like them.
(In rhythm to I Love You)
I hate you
You hate me
We're a violent family
With a great big gun
and a bang from me to you
Won't you say you hate me too.
(In rhythm to Joy To The more...


A precocious 4-year-old was brought to the ER with a severe cough, a nurse writes. She kept up a non-stop conversation while I was trying to assess her lung sounds. Finally, I said, "Shhh, I have to see if Barney is in there."
The child looked at me and said, more...


A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked in her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?"
The little girl stayed silent.
Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. more...


NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, Napoleon. If you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it!"
CUSTER'S MOTHER: "Now, George, remember what I told you - don't go biting off more than you can more...

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