"After I'm Gone" joke

Fred had not been feeling well, so he went to his long time doctor.
The doctor did some tests and walked back into the room.
"Fred, I have some bad news for you, and I really don't know how to tell you. I've rerun all the tests and double checked the results. You are going to die of cancer. There is no cure for what you have. You have about 6 to 8 weeks to live."
"Well Doc, I am glad you told me straight out though. Now I can get all my personal affairs in order."
The doctor felt badly about Fred and the next day was at the gym when he heard two guys talking. "Did you hear about Fred?" "Yeah, I heard that he is dying of AIDS!"
This really upset the doctor and he rushed over to a telephone to call Fred.
"Hello Fred? Did you understand what I told you yesterday?"
"Of course Doc. I am dying of cancer and have 6 to 8 weeks to live."
"But I just heard two of your friends say you were dying of AIDS."
"Yeah Doc, I know. You see, after I am gone, I don't want anyone screwing my wife!"

One day a cucumber, pickle and a penis were having a conversation.
The Pickle says, "You know, my life really sucks. Whenever I get big fat and juicy they sprinkle seasonings on my and stick me in a jar.
The Cucumber says, "Yeah, you think that's bad? Whenever more...


To all staff
Early Retirement
Due to the current financial situation, management has decided to give all workers over 30 yrs an early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged Personnel Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Management to more...


A guy gos to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor says,"Well sir, I have bad news and I have worse news. The guy says "well gimme the worst news first." The doc says well sir you have Cancer.The guy says "thats terrible news, but whats the bad news?" more...


A man went to the doctor with a really bad infection. The doctor informed him he had Aids with just about every kind of infection there is to go along with it.
The patient asked the doc what they were going to do for him. The doc answered that he was going to put him on a more...

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