"Abe and Esther" joke
Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we will may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did ve pay our charity pledge cheque to ze Beth Shalom Synagogue yet?"
"No, sveetheart," she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did ve pay our United Jewish Appeal pledge?"
"Oiy, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send ze cheque," she says.
"Vun last ting, Esther. Did you remember to send ze check for the Synagogue Building Fund zis month," he asks? "Oiy, forgive me, Abe," begged Esther. "I didn't sent zat vun either."
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.
Esther pulls away and asks him, " So, vy did you kiss me?"
Abe answers, "They'll find us!"
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.