Window Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two men are driving through London when they get pulled over by a cop. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his stick. The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the officer smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver asks, "What the hell was that for?" The officer answers, "You're in London son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car." The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here." The officer does a check on the driver's license, and he's O.K.. He gives the man his license back, walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK, the officer smacks him on the head with the stick. The passenger asks, "What'd you do that for?" The officer says, "Just making your wish come true." The passenger asks, "Making what wish come true?" The officer says, "I know that two miles down the road you're more...

'Twas da night befo' Christmas and all in the hood, Not a homie was stirring cuz it was all good.
The tube socks was hung on the window sill and we all had smiles up on our grill.
Mookie and BeBe was snug in the crib in the back bedroom, cuz that's how we live.
And Moms in her do-rag and me with my nine, had just gotten busy cuz girlfriend is fine.
All of a sudden a lowrider rolled by, Bumpin' phat beats cuz the system's fly.
I bounced to the window at a quarter pas' 'Bout ready to pop a cap in somebody's ass!
well anyway...
I yelled to my lady, Yo peep this! She said, Stop frontin' & just mind yo' bidness.
I said, for real doe, come check dis out.
We weren't even buggin', no worries, no doubt. Cuz bumpin' an thumpin' from around da way
Was Santa, 8 reindeer and a sleigh.
Da beats was kickin', da ride was phat I said, "Yo red Dawg, you all that!"
He threw up a sign and yelled to his boyz, "Ay yo, give it up, let's make more...

1. IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out. 2. IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs 3. IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken. 4. IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board. 5. ON A CHURCH DOOR: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance.) 6. OUTSIDE A SECOND-HAND SHOP: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain? 7. QUICKSAND WARNING: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council. 8. NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of. 9. IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW: Closed due to illness. 10. SPOTTED IN more...

Sign in an office: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left." Sign in a veterinary's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" Sign on music teachers' door: "Out Chopin." Sign at the electic company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."Sign in beauty shop window: "Dye now!" Sign on a garbage truck: "We've got what it takes to take what you've got." Sign at a computer store: "Out for a quick byte." Sign on restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry. Come in and get fed up."

Sign on an electrician's truck:
Let us remove your shorts.
Maternity Clothes Shop:
We are open on labor day.
On a Front Door:
Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.
On a Maternity Room Door:
"Push, Push, Push"
Non-smoking area:
If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action
Optometrist's Office:
If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
Scientist's Door:
Gone Fission
Taxidermist Window:
We really know our stuff.
Podiatrist's Window:
Time wounds all heels.
Sign on Fence:
Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.
Car Dealership:
The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.
Muffler Shop:
No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming.

Hotel:
Help! We need inn - experienced people.

Butcher's Window:
Pleased to meat you.

Sign more...

Sign in a bowling alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop." Sign for a litter of dachshund pups: "Get a `long` little doggie!" Sign in a cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. In pencil beneath the sign: Socks can eat anyplace they want."Sign on a music library's door: "Bach in a minuet." Sign in a restaurant window: "T-bone steak $1 Then, in fine print underneath: With meat $12"A hardware store in Oregon has a sign that reads: "Today's special. Below it says: So's tomorrow."Sign on restaurant window: "Great food (50,000 flies can't be wrong)." Billboard facing the road in front of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "green side up!"In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "green side up!"The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing. In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "green side up!"The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling' green side up'?""I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.