White Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "The President Must Die" written in urine across the snow. Well, old Bill is pretty ticked off. He storms into his security staff's HQ, and yells "Somebody wrote a death threat in the snow on the front lawn! And they wrote it in urine! The guy had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?!"The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly at the floor. Bill hollers "Well, don't just sit there! Get out and FIND OUT WHO DID IT! I want an answer, and I want it TONIGHT!"The entire staff immediately jump up and race for the exits. Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says "Well Mr. President, we have some bad news and we have some REALLY bad news. Which do you want first?" Clinton says "Give me the bad news first." The officer says "Well, we took a more...

Hijackers are allowed to pre-board
Mary Jo Buttafuoco walks through metal detector without her bullet setting it off
Machines sell insurance just for your time in the airport
White zone for unloading, red zone for reloading
You-know-who is there filming a Hertz commercial
As you board plane, gate attendant says "You poor son-of-a-bitch"
Runways have passing lanes
You have to go through a metal detector just to enter the gift shop
There are more shots being fired there than at the White House
Electronic scanning equipment made by Westinghouse

One day, a Chinese couple has a child. A few hours after the delivery, they both wanted to see the baby, but the nurse came back from the nursery holding a white baby. "Wait a minute," the father said. "Two Wongs don't make a white!"

Berra`s Law: You can observe a lot just by watching. - Yogi Berra

Bierman`s Laws of Contracts: (1) In any given document, you can`t cover all the "what if`s". (2) Lawyers stay in business resolving all the unresolved "what if`s". (3) Every resolved "what if" creates two unresolved "what if`s".

Billing`s Law: Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. - Josh Billings

Billings Phenomenon: The conclusions of most good operations research studies are obvious. - Robert E. Machol (The name refers to a well-known Billings story in which a farmer becomes concerned that his black horses are eating more than his white horses. He does a detailed study of the situation and finds that he has more black horses than white horses, Machol points out.)

Bloom`s Seventh Law of Litigation: The judge`s jokes are always funny.

Blutarsky`s Axiom: Nothing is impossible for the man who will not more...

A singhala elephant and a white mouse
became very good friends
somehow.
One day, while walking together the elephant falls into
a rather large hole.
Being the singhala elephant's friend
the white mouse
hurries home and brings his Mercedes Benz
ties a line to the elephant and pulls him out.
The elephant humbly thanks the white mouse.
A few days later,
the mouse falls
into a rather deep hole.
The singhala elephant
rather calmly and easily
sticks down his
rather long appendage,
that elephants are known to have,
giving
the white mouse a way to climb out.
Moral of the story:
Singhala people don't need Mercedes Benz cars.
(It's a matter of pride)

Q: What´s black and white and goes round and around?
A: A Penguin in a revolving door.

A man and a woman were talking.The woman asked the man,"three black roosters were sitting on a fence, how many feet were there all together?"
The man replies,"there are six feet."
"Ok", says the woman,"how many beeks are there?"
The man replies,"three."
The woman then says,"A white cat comes along and jumps on the fence, how many whiskers does it have?"
The man answers,"six, no wait eight." The woman asked,"are you sure?"
"No" replies the man
Then the woman asked,"how is it that you know so much about black cock and not enough about white pussy?"