Western Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde goes to the Western Union office and says, “I just have to get an urgent message to my mother in Europe. ”
The clerk says it will be $100, and she replies “But I don’t have that much money, and I must get a message to her, it’s urgent! I’ll do anything to get a message to her. ”
The clerk replies “Anything? ”
“Yes… ANYTHING! ” replies the blonde.
He leads her back to his office and closes the door. He tells her to kneel in front of him and unzip his pants. ”
She does. “Take it out”, says the clerk. ”
She does this as well. She looks up at him, his member in her hands and he says “Well… go ahead and do it…”
She brings her lips close to it and shouts “Hello? … Mom? ”

The eastern lady who was all ready to take a horseback ride said to the cowboy, "Can you get me a nice gentle pony?" "Shore," said the cowboy. "What kind of a saddle do you want, English or western?" "Whats the difference?" asked the lady. "The western saddle has a horn on it," said the cowboy. "If the traffic is so thick here in the mountains that I need a horn on my saddle, I dont believe I want to ride."

A German shepherd went to a Western Union office, took out ablank form and wrote, "Woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof... woof." The clerk examined the paper and told the dog, "There areonly nine words here. You could send another' woof' for thesame price." The dog replied "What, and ruin the punchline?!"

A Western Buddhist woman was in India, studying with her teacher. She was riding with another woman friend in a rickshaw-like carriage, when they were attacked by a man on the street. In the end, the attacker only succeeded in frightening the women, but the Buddhist woman was quite upset by the event and told her teacher so. She asked him what she should have done - what would have been the appropriate, Buddhist response. The teacher said very simply, "You should have very mindfully and with great compassion whacked the attacker over the head with your umbrella."

An Irish Setter went to a Western Union telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely informed the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"But, sir," the dog replied, "that would make no sense at all."

A German shepherd went to a Western Union office, took out ablank form and wrote, "Woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof... woof."The clerk examined the paper and told the dog, "There areonly nine words here. You could send another' woof' for thesame price."The dog replied "What, and ruin the punchline?!"

There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them. You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes. You have a' Singer Brother' sewing machine at home. Your mother has a minor disagreement with her (or your dad's) sister and doesn't talk to her for ten years. You call an older person you've never met before "uncle". You hide everything from your parents. Your mother does everything for you if you are male. You do all the housework and cooking if you are female. Your relatives alone could populate a small city. Everyone is a family friend. Everyone always called you for help on homework. You read law, medicine or engineering at university. You were thick (i. e. stupid) so you studied accounting or business instead. You know no one who has studied music. You went to a university as far away from home as possible. You still came back home to live with your parents after you had finished. Your best friend got married at the age of 16. You only make telephone calls after more...