Uncle Jokes / Recent Jokes

My uncle was travelling on business, in New Mexico. He needed to cash a check, and went to the bank (strangely enough).
He gave his check to the bank teller, and she looked at it and said "O-co-no-co-mo-co-woc" (actually 'Oconomowoc')
"Gee, that's a funny name for a city!"
My uncle's response was "And Albuquerque isn't?"
Well, *I* thought it was funny.

Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter Who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life. My daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy, I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brother To the widow's grown-up daughter Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother And it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, She's my grandmother too.
If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her grandchild. And every time I more...

Back 75 years ago everyone rode the trains if they wanted to go somewhere. The ticket was just a little card of a thing, smaller and thicker in weight than a business card. Uncle John, with his brothers Charlie and Dan were taking a trip. In those days men *always* wore hats, not those baseball or "gimme" cap like men and boys wear today.
It was considered correct to just stick the ticket in the hat-band with the destination showing, and the conductor could later tell the passenger that his station was next.
Sometime during the journey Uncle John, skamp that he was, lifted Uncle Charlie's ticket and put it in his own pocket. Later he said to Charlie, "Charlie, where is your ticket?" All three "searched" for it, but of course no one found it. So Uncle Johny said, "Charlie, you had better hide under the seat and we will sort of cover you with our legs and the conductor will not see you."
So they rode on, Uncles Johny and Dan sitting more...

Many many years ago when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy.
I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife, She's my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her more...

A young man was staying on a farm with his uncle and aunt for the summer. One morning the aunt and uncle walked in the kitchen and the young man was drinking an extremely large glass of milk. The young man said "I tookthe liberty of milking your cow this morning!" He then continues and says "it took me a while to get her started up. She must be old and stubbly." The uncle says with a confused look " Um son we don't have a cow...We have a bull!"

Many many years ago when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my more...

A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her Son
Dear Son,
I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.
It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.
The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.
About your sister, she had a baby this more...