Turkey Jokes / Recent Jokes
Little Johnny shared a bed with his teenaged sister. One night she snuck her boyfriend in so they could have sex. She told him in order to keep quite, she would tell him what speed to go by saying ham, turkey, or salami.
So they got busy...
Johnny was awakened by his sister screeching ham, turkey, salami! Ham, turkey, salami!!!
So he yelled at them " Stop making sandwitches- you are getting mayonnaise all over me!!
Who is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey - he's always stuffed!
When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,
Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something that I had to know;
His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me of the horrors of. .. Black November;
"Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three,
"And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,
And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin;
"And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head;
"Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald' n pink,
And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink;
"And then comes the worst part" he said not bluffing,
"She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing".
Well, the rest of his words were too more...
a blond a brunette and a ginger girl were all sittin on an island 30 miles away from turkey and they all decided to try and get to turkey so the ginger girl swam 5 miles and drowned the brunette swam 10 miles and drowned the blond swam 15 miles decided she couldnt swim any more so swam back
Why did the blonde roast a turkey for 5 days?
Because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 120 pounds.
Last year I had my chance to do the traditional thing of
shooting my own turkey for Thanksgiving... you should have
seen the people scatter in the meat department.
A State Police colleague of mine once received a call from a woman who asked him how to baste a turkey. After a stunned moment, he, being a fairly good cook, described the procedure. Then he asked,
"But why would you call the State Police to find out how to baste a turkey?"There was only a slight hesitation before she replied, "Well, you knew, didn't you?" and hung up.