Trunk Jokes / Recent Jokes

Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy points to it and says, "Mummy, what is that long thing?"His mother replies, "That son, is the elephant's trunk." "No, at the other end." "That son is the tail." "No, mummy, the thing under the elephant." A short embarrassed silenced after which she replies, "Thats nothing."The mother goes to buy some ice-cream and the boy, not being satisfied with her answer asks his father the same question. "Daddy, what is that long thing?""That's the trunk, son" replies the father. "No at the other end." "Oh, that is the tail." "No, no daddy, the thing below," asks the son in desperation. "That is the elephants penis. Why do you ask son?" "Well mummy said it was nothing," more...

A policeman was sitting on the hard shoulder watching the traffic go by when a car zoomed past him doing at least 120 mph!

The policeman chased him down, and pulled the car over. He went up to the car and asked, "Do you know that you were doing at least 50 mph over the speed limit?"

The driver replied, "Was I officer, I''m terribly sorry but I wasn''t aware of that."

The policeman said, "May I see your drivers license please?"

The man replied, "I don''t have one officer."

"Of course you do," said the policeman.

"No sir, I don''t," said the man.

"So why do you have this car?" asked the policeman.

"This is not my car, I stole it," said the man.

"You are driving a stolen car?" said the policeman.

"Yes I''m afraid so sir,"

Looking puzzled the policeman said, "Let me more...

Al was helping his blonde girlfriend, Diana, clean out the trunk of her car. In the trunk, he found a bag labelled 'Emergency Repair Kit'. When he looked a little closer, he noticed that there was a stick of dynamite inside the bag.
Finding that a little strange, he asked Diana what it was for.
"It's part of my emergency repair kit," she replied.
"I can see that, but why?" Al asked.
"In case I get a flat and need to blow up one of my tires," Diana explained.

Attempt to take the order-takers order.
("Hi, may I take your order?") before they get a chance to take yours.
Order confusing items, i.e.,
"Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and asmall medium fries, please".
When you arrive at the window to pick up your food, hand them several bags of garbage & ask if they'll dispose of it for you. Make sure it smells.
Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will think there is a problem with the speaker and ask you to order at the window. When you arrive at the window, speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion.
Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.
Bring along a Mr. Microphone. When the order-taker speaks, aim the mic at their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone speaker at the mic to produce excruciating feedback of their own voice.
Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to pickup your order, have him start yelling and more...

Attempt to take the order-takers order.("Hi, may I take your order?") before they get a chance to take yours.Order confusing items, i.e.,"Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and asmall medium fries, please".When you arrive at the window to pick up your food, hand them several bags of garbage & ask if they'll dispose of it for you. Make sure it smells.Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will think there is a problem with the speaker and ask you to order at the window. When you arrive at the window, speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion.Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.Bring along a Mr. Microphone. When the order-taker speaks, aim the mic at their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone speaker at the mic to produce excruciating feedback of their own voice.Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to pickup your order, have him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk.If you more...

It is important for men to remember, that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain t he same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive and there ain't nothing worse then an oversensitive woman.
My name is Doug... Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Ernestine.
When I was laid off from my consulting job and took "early retirement" in April, it became necessary for Ernestine to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.
Shortly after she started working I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the Golf Course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the more...

Signs Your Car Might Be A Lemon

Motor Trend never mentioned a "Chevrolet Caca."

Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.

Passenger-side "airbag" is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.

Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist

Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.

Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.

Car has spent more time on "60 Minutes" than on the road.

Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.

Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.

Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.

Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.

"Jaws of Life" in trunk.

The hood ornament? An ostrich with its head in the sand.

When you sit behind the wheel, a nerdy billionaire voice asks, "Where more...