Traffic Jokes / Recent Jokes

Millions of British drivers use traffic lights and jams as the perfect opportunity to pick up a hot date and sometimes even a marriage partner, according to a survey.

Up to 2 million UK motorists every day openly flirt while driving, the survey shows.

Half-a-million sleep with someone after initially spotting them during a road trip and as many 150, 000 have met their husband or wife in
traffic.

On-the-road flirting is most common in Wales, where over 60 per cent of drivers admit to exchanging sultry glances with others from behind the wheel, according to the survey of motorists carried out by car company Vauxhall.

Courtesy - Reuters

A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work toappear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day." WHAT FOR?!?!?" he snapped at the judge. The Judge, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud: "Twenty dollars contempt of court! That's why!"Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented:"That's all right. You don't have to pay now." The guy replied..."I know - I'm just seeing if I have enough for 2 more words!"

A Marine colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving." He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?"

The Officer replies, "The President is just so depressed about the impeachment thing he stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers. I'm walking round taking up a collection for him".

"Oh really? How much have you collected so far?"

"So far only about a hundred gallons but I've got a lot of folks still siphoning."

When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher.
The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court." He smiled. "Now, sit down at that table and write 500 times,' I will not pass through a red light."

A major traffic jam was preventing people from moving forward. A motorist shouted out wanting to know what was happening.
A guy from the front replied, "Well at the traffic crossing Laloo Yadav is sprawled across the road.
He is refusing to move from there!"
"But why?"
"He has lost the elections and will now surely be convicted for corruption and will have to pay lakhs of Rupess as fines!
He is threatening to douse himself with kerosene and set himself on fire if people didn't contribute with money to help him pay the fine!"
"So how much has been collected so far?"
"Six litres!"

The traffic light wasn't working on the corner of Broadway and 72nd Street, so the blonde stood with a large crowd of
people waiting to cross, while a cop directed traffic.Finally, the cop blew his whistle, motioned to the crowd, and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians!" The throng surged across
Broadway -- all except the blonde, who stayed on the corner.When the walkers were safely on the other side of the street, the cop moved the cross-traffic through the intersection. Half a minute later, he stopped the cars on Broadway and sent
the 72nd Street traffic into motion.Again, he got around to the blonde's corner, where by this time she had again been joined by a crowd of people.Tweeeeeeeet! "Okay, pedestrians!"The crowd crossed the street, but again the blonde stayed put. She looked at her watch and tapped her foot but never budged from the sidewalk.Finally, after the cop yelled "Okay, pedestrians!" for the third time, the blonde shouted across more...

A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. She said, "Im Mrs. Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from the Republic of Uzbetikan visiting my daughter in Columbia."As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but dont let me catch you speeding again."