Throw Jokes / Recent Jokes

Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"

"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"

"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."

"Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy."

"But why?"

"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight."

Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish.

He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"

"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"

"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."

"Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy."

"But why?"

"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to get the orange roughy."

Deer hunting season is coming up... Here are the secret diary entries from last years deer hunt.

1:00 am - Alarm clock rings.
2:00 am - Hunting partner arrives - drags you out of bed.
3:00 am - Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pickup.
3:05 am - Leave for the deep woods.
3:15 am - Drive back home and pick up gun.
3:30 am - Drive like crazy to get to the woods before daylight.
4:00 am - Set up camp - forgot the tent.
4:30 am - Head into the woods.
6:05 am - See eight deer.
6:06 am - Take aim and squeeze trigger.
6:07 am -' 'Click''.
6:08 am - Load gun while watching deer go over the hill.
8:00 am - Head back to camp.
9:00 am - Still looking for camp.
10:00 am - Realize you don't know where camp is.
Noon - Fire gun for help - eat wild berries.
12:15 pm - Ran out of bullets - eight deer come back.
12:20 pm - Strange feeling in stomach.
12:30 pm - Realize you ate poison more...

INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler more...

INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL 1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10. 4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill more...

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. Im so mad, I cant even see straight." The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one." The bartender pours the drink, but says, "Now, before I give you this, why dont you let off a little steam and tell me why youre so upset?"So, the man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, "Wow, this has never happened before." You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if Id like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while. I couldnt believe this was happening, r and I hadnt had a good meal in quite a while. I managed to nod my head more...

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse and tries to throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when suddenly the Wal-Mart manager runs out and pulls the plug.