Thank Jokes / Recent Jokes

? "Kbar Khali-Kili Haftir Lotfan."
Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun.
? "Khrel, Jepaheh Maneh Va Jayeii Amrikahey"
I will tell you the names and addresses of many American spies travelling as reporters.
? "Tikeh Nuneh Ba Ob Khrelleh Bezorg Va Khube Boyast Ino Begeram"
The water soaked breadcrumbs are delicious, thank you. I must have the recipe.
? "Ekr Gabul Cardan Davat Parh Gush Divar"
I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on the floor with my arms above my head with my legs apart.
? "Maternier Ghermez Ahlieh Ghorban"
The red blindfold would be lovely, excellency.
? "Howmaeh Fekr Tamomeh Oeh Gorteh Bande"
I agree with everything you have ever said and thought in your whole life.
? "Balli, Balli, Balli"
Whatever you say.
? "Auto Arraregh Davateman Mano Sephaheh- Hasti"
It is exceptionally kind of you more...

"'Tis the night before Christmas," I thought with a frown.
I was stuck at the office. The network was down.
The routers were hung in the closet. All crashed.
Their tables had holes in their data. All trashed.
Remote distribution, it seems, just for fun,
Had erased DLLs Windows needed to run
On 84 desktops way down in accounting.
I sat stunned at my desk, my blood pressure mounting.
When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter,
I saw that a server had something the matter.
There was smoke coming out of the main hard disk drive.
"No problem," I thought. "I'm set up with RAID 5."
But I found out the system I thought was unstoppable
Had disk drives that turned out completely unswappable!
"No problem," I thought. "I've tape backup to thank."
And then I discovered my backups were blank.
The UPS burped, and its lights all went out.
I started to scream! I more...

About this time last year, I was sitting in my dentist's office waiting to have a root canal done, when I noticed a flyer (advertisement) for a "personal dental drill". After some interesting images went through my head, I asked the receptionist if they really sold these things and she said yes.
Well, it was three days before Christmas and I hadn't gotten the secretary in the office (Vivian) a present yet, so I bought one.
When I got home, I realized that there was no literature in the little package - no warranty card, no instruction, no nothing - so I wrote some. Below is the promotional flyer that came with Vivian's.

Thank you for purchasing the "digger" personal dental drill from ACME Corp., makers of do it yourself dental devices since 1939.
We hope you will get years of satisfaction from your new drill. The enclosed instruction manual provides step by step instructions for performing a variety of dental procedures from simple more...

While I was working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her shot.
"NO! NO! NO!" she screamed.
"Lizzie," her mother scolded. "That's not polite behavior."
At that, the girl yelled even louder, "NO, THANK YOU! NO, THANK YOU!"

A boy finished cutting the lawn of a priest... the grass was very thickand long, and it took the boy about 4 hours to cut. He approachedthe Father for payment and the priest paid him $1. 00. The boy said "Thank you, virgin Father!"The priest replied, "What did you say?" The boy repeated, "Thank you, virgin Father!"The priest asked him, "Do you know what that means?" The boy replied, "Yes.... tight ass!"

Once upon a time, allegedly, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By surprising coincidence both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.
'Oh, my,' said the bunny, 'I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am.'
'It's quite OK,' replied the snake. 'Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you.'
'Oh, that would be wonderful,' replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, 'Well, you're covered with soft fur; you more...

Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:Thank you for calling heaven.For English press 1
For Spanish press 2
For all other languages, press 3Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for request
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all others

I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.If you would like to speak to:God, press 1
Jesus, press 2
Holy spirit, press 3To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter his social security # followed by the pound sign.(If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666)

For reservations more...