Thank Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers: "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"

The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl! !!" The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"

"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"

"Which present?" She asked.

"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"

"Oh, that" she said "Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl! !!"

A man was travelling from Cape Town to Johannesburg when he stopped for a young hitchhiker somewhere in the middle of the Karoo. It happened that the youngster had a cleft palate and thus spoke somewhat nasally. The motorist naturally felt very sorry for the young man.
After driving for an hour or so with very little conversation between them, the man pulled off for a roadside lunch. He opened his picnic basket and offered the youngster some of his sandwiches.
"Thank you, Thir, but becauth of my problem I cannot eat anything that may cauth crumbth to enter my palate," he replied. The man felt he could'nt eat either under the circumstances and opened his thermoflask of coffee.
"Would you like some coffee, son?" he asked. "Thank you, yeth Thir, but becauth of my problem you will have to help me. I cannot drink anything that will end up in my palate, tho have to take it anally by means of thith thpecial funnel."
The obliging motorist, more...

Looking down at the defendant, the judge said, "Mr. Riley, I've decided to give you a suspended sentence."
Tears pouring from his eyes, Riley cried, "Oh, thank you, Your Honor!"
"Don't thank me," the judge replied. "I'm sentencing you to be hanged."

A 4-year-old boy who was asked to return thanks before Thanksgiving dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking the Lord for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked the Lord for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles.
Then he began to thank the Lord for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip. Then he paused, and everyone waited -- and waited.
After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank the Lord for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"

Are you writing a thank you letter to Grandma like I told you to?

Yes Mom.

Your handwriting seems very large.

Well, Grandma's very deaf, so I'm writing very loudly.

Lost on a rainy Friday night, a priest stumbles into a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, he`s just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips he`s ever had. After dinner, he goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs. He is met by two brothers, "Hello, I`m Brother Michael, and this is Brother Francis." "I`m very pleased to meet you. I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I`ve ever tasted. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?" Brother Charles replied, "Well, I`m the fish friar." Father turns to the other brother and says, "Then you must be...." "Yes, I`m afraid I`m the chip monk..."

A sales representative stopped in at a small manufacturing plant. He met with the plant manager and presented a box of cigars to him as a gift.
"No, thank you," said the manager. "I did try smoking a cigar once, but I didn't care for it."
The sales rep then showed his display case and, hoping to make a sale, offered to take the manager out for a drink.
"Thanks, but I tried alcohol once and didn't like it," the manager replied.
As the salesman glanced out the window, he happened to see a golf course. "I guess you play golf. I'd really like to invite you to be a guest at my club sometime," he said.
"Thank you," the manager said, "but I played golf once and I didn't like it."
Just then, a young man entered the office. "Allow me to introduce my son, Bob," the manager said to the salesman.
"Let me guess," replied the salesman, "An only child?"