Teller Jokes / Recent Jokes

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes," committed by young male repeat offenders who apparently don't know the first thing about their business. This information was included in an interesting, amusing article titles "How Not to Rob a Bank," by Tim Clark, which appeared in the 1987 edition of The Old Farmers Almanac.
Clark reported that in spite of the widespread use of surveillance cameras, 76 percent of bank robbers use no disguise, 86 percent never study the bank before robbing it, and 95 percent make no long-range plans for concealing the loot. Thus, he offered this advice to would-be bank robbers, along with examples of what can happen if the rules aren't followed:
Pick the right bank. Clark advises that you don't follow the lead of the fellow in Anaheim, Cal., who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money. On the other hand, you don't want to be too familiar more...

A Chinese guy was trying to exchange yen for dollars and asked the teller,
"Why it change, yestoday I get two hunat dollar fo yen - today Iget a Hunat eighty?"
The teller says - "Fluctuations!"
The Chinese guy says "Fluc you white guys too"

During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.
" There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.
" Will I be acquitted?"

Definition: A manager is a person who thinks that nine women can produce a child in one month.
Robots: Our Steel Collar Workers.
Q: What’s the difference between Xerox and the Titanic?
A: The Titanic had a band.
Q: What does Santa call his wife at tax time?
A: A dependent Claus.
Q: What do you call a credit union volunteer in a room full of bank directors?
A: A superior being.
Q: What is the difference between big foot and a socially responsible banker?
A: Big foot has been sighted.
Q: Why did the bank drive-up window teller have tire tread marks across the back of his grey suit?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said: “Don’t Walk. ”
Q: How do you confuse a bank teller?
A: Give him a bag of M&M’s and tell him to alphabetize them.
Q: Why is a BMW a banker’s favorite car?
A: Because he can’t spell Porsche.
Anti-trust laws should be approached with exactly that attitude
If more...

A fortune teller escaped from prison and became a small medium at large.

A Japanese businessman walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2,000 yen and walked out with $76.
The following week, he walked in with 2,000 yen, and was handed $66. He asked the teller why he got less money this week than the previous week.
The teller said, "Fluctuations".
The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and said, "Fluc you Amelicans too!"

Here are some easy lessons gleaned from the experiences of a number of would-be bank robbers...Pick The Right Bank:
You don't want to make the same mistake as the fellow in Anaheim, CA, who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money.Study Your History:
Don't try to stick up the First National Bank of Northfield, MN. Jesse James tried it 111 years ago, and the townsfolk took just seven minutes to kill two and capture three of his
gang. Nobody tried again until 1984, and the customers chased the guy down. They're tight with their dollar, those Minnesotans.Speak To The Right Teller:
One robber in Upland, CA, presented his note to the teller, and her father, who was in the next line, got all bent out of shape about it. He wrestled the guy to the ground and sat on him until authorities arrived.Don't Sign Your Demand Note:
Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh... on an more...