Tank Jokes

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.
The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked
"How did you do it?"
"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"

There were 3 bees, a squirrel and a man in a car.They were driving along a country lane and the car broke down.

The first bee said, " dont worry ill give us a few extra miles by peeing in the tank",
it worked, for a couple of miles that is until they broke down again. And so the second bee decided to do the same as the first bee, but this lasted another couple of miles until they broke down again, so the third bee did exactly the same.Then finally the car broke down.

The squirrel said " I'll pee in the tank"

The man replied, sorry mate, this car only runs on BP.

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Editor's note: Sound it out if you don't get it. If you still don't get it, I wouldn't bother trying...

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves.
"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"
She said, "No, I don't have any idea."
"Well," he spoofed,
"Down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in and then walks around for a bit while the latex sets and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods' crate and start the process all over again."
She didn't laugh one bit.
Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.
The old woman blushed and exclaimed,
"I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"

A Guy Opens A Bar To Make The Bar More Popular He Put A 10ft Fish Tank And Said Whoever Walks Into My Bar Has To Spit In It 2
Yrs Pass By And The Tank Is Full He Had To Empty The Tank Out Somewhere b'coz He Didnt Want To By Another Tank Saying That
This Tank Was Very Lucky So He Had A Competition It Was That If A Person Can Drink The Whole Tank Of Spit He Would Have A
Life Time Supply Of Booze. Three Contestants Sign Up So The 1st Contestant Sips And Sips And Starts Vomiting, The 2nd
Contestant Has Five Sips And Starts Vomiting, 3rd Contestant Sips And Stops Sips And Stops Like This He Finishes The Wholw
Tank So The Bar Owner Asked Him Why Did U Sip And Stop Sip And Stop So The Third Contestant Turns Around And Tells Him I Was
Chewing On The Lumps Of Saliva....

The heads of the four branches of the armed (US) military were standing around one day talking about which service had the biggest balls. After a lengthy debate, the four came to the conclusion demonstrations would have to be used to decide which was the best of the services.
First they went to an Army base. The Army general went up to a young soldier and to him to run through the firing range.
With a quick, "Yes, sir!" the private took off. Not five steps into his mission, he was hit several times and killed.
The Army general turned to the other three and said, "Now THAT takes balls."
Next they arrived at an air base where the Air Force general ordered a young airman to dive out of a plane at 10,000 feet, without a parachute.
The airman said, "Yes sir." and off he went. When at the required altitude, the airman hurled himself from the plane. He hit the ground with a nauseating squish.
The Air Force general turned to the other more...