Sung Jokes / Recent Jokes
Shadchen 1
A shadchen, having sung the praises of a female client, brought his excited male prospect to see her.
Cyril took one look at the girl to whom the shadchen elaborately introduced him and recoiled.
"What`s the matter?" asked the shadchen.
"You said she was young," whispered Cyril, "but she`s forty if she`s a day! You said she was beautiful, but she looks like a back of a bus! You said she was shapely, but she`s fat enough for two! You said --"
"You don`t have to whisper," said the shadchen. "She`s also hard of hearing."
AMEN:
The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN:
1. Parish information, read only during the homily.
2. Catholic air conditioning.
3. Your receipt for attending Mass.
CHOIR:
A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.
HOLY WATER:
A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
HYMN:
A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
RECESSIONAL HYMN:
The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
INCENSE:
Holy Smoke!
JESUITS:
An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams.
JONAH:
The original "Jaws" story.
JUSTICE:
When kids have kids of their own.
KYRIE ELIEISON:
The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.
MAGI:
The most famous trio to attend a baby more...
Once Santa Singh and Banta Singh were going in a jungle, Suddenly they saw one tiger comming towards them. To save themselves they climbed a tree and both sat on one branch. The tiger came under the tree and sat down. Santa told Banta " Yaar just to pass Time Why don`t you sing some song" Banta Singh started to sing. After singing four songs Banta hanged upside down on the branch and then again sung four songs. After singing all the songs he Banta came back to his original position. Santa asked curiosly "Yaar Bantya, You sung four songs sitting in upright position and next four songs you sat upside down, Why did you do that?" Banta told " Yaar First four songs were from side A and the other four were from Side B".
- The principal singer of nineteenth century opera was called pre-Madonna.
- Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the same lines.
- Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony.
- All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know exactly what they sounded like because there are no known descendants.
- Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven's Erotica, Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and Gershwin's Rap City in Blue.
- Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing without music it is called Acapulco.
- A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
- Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing.
- Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the Hatfields and the McCoys.
- A harp is a nude piano.
- Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is the part you'd better not try to sing.
- I know what a sextet is but I'd rather more...
AMEN The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN Your receipt for attending Mass. CHOIR A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync. HYMN A song of praise usually sung in a key two octaves higher than that of the congregation's range. RECESSIONAL HYMN The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left. INCENSE Holy Smoke! JUSTICE When kids have kids of their own. PEW A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches. RECESSIONAL The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot. RELICS People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand. TEN COMMANDMENTS The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman. USHERS The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.