Street Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young, single man, having no family, often ate at a restaurant in the center of the city of Chelm. He knew the owner Moishe and he ate there regularly. The only other restaurant in Chelm, Chaim's, was located directly across the street from Moishe's.
One day, the young man went to eat at Chaim's and when Moishe saw what happened, he was totally distraught. He said, "how can you not eat at my place? Are we not like family?" The young man replied that indeed they were.
Moishe asked,"Isn't my food good?" The young man replied that the food was delicious and that the portions were exceedingly generous. Moishe then asked, "so why did you go eat at Chaim's restaurant on the other side of the street?"
The young man replied that he had terrible toothache on his molar on the far left side of his mouth. He was told that the intinerant dentist would not be in town for another week. Therefore, the young man explained to Moishe, "I went to the Rabbi more...

Britain's outgoing Prime Minister Tony Blair will speak out against the execution of Saddam Hussein, calling the way it was carried out "completely wrong," officials at Downing Street told CNN.

President Bush responded by asking, "Does that mean Saddam is still alive?"

Late at night, a drunk was on his knees beneath a street-light, evidently looking for something.
A passer-by, being a good Samaritan, offered to help. “What is it you have lost? ” he asked.
”My watch, ” replied the drunk. “It fell off when I tripped over the pavement.”
The passer-by joined in the search but after a quarter of an hour, there was still no sign of the watch.
“Where exactly did you trip? ” asked the passer-by.
“About half a block up the street, ” replied the drunk.
“Then why are you looking for your watch here if you lost it half a block up the street? ”
The drunk said: “Because the light’s a lot better here. ”

Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees abuilding on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding herpet cat in her arms."Hey, lady," yells Larry, "Throw me the cat.""No," she cries, "It's too far.""I play football, I can catch him."The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves toLarry, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street.Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him.The feline bounces off an awning and Larry runs into the street to catchit. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one handedcatch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks intocheers.Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles hisknees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.

(Heard this one from a minister at a pre-wedding party:)
A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the
street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they
decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it
home and parked it in the street between their establishments.
A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling
water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he ran out and asked
the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest replied.
The rabbi replied "Oh," then he ran back into the synagogue. He
reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to the car and cut
off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe.

A guy approaches a prostitute on the street and asks her, "how much?" she replies, "$100 if I lay down and $75 if I stand up." He asks what the difference is, and she tells him, "it's my hairdresser's fee!"

This guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hooker says, "Say, wanna have a good time? We do things in a big way down here in Texas."
"Sure," he says and they were off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her.
She says, "Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled out of one?"
The guy says, "No, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into."