Storm Jokes / Recent Jokes
Plan ahead... It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big. Don't listen to critics - do what must be done. Build on high ground. For safety's sake, travel in pairs. Two heads are better than one. Speed isn't always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board... but then so were the turtles. Take care of your animals as if they were the last ones on earth. Don't forget that we're all in the same boat. When things get really deep, don't sit there and complain--shovel! Stay below deck during the storm. The ark was built by amateurs and the Titanic was built by professionals. If you have to start over, have a friend by your side. Remember that the woodpeckers inside are often a bigger threat than the storm outside. Don't miss the boat. Repeat... Do NOT miss the boat... No matter how bleak it looks, there's always a rainbow on the horizon.
One day a man drove by a farm and saw a three-legged pig. The man went up to the farmer and said, "Excuse me sir, but why does that pig only have 3 legs?" "Well," said the farmer, "that there pig is very special. One time my wife was cooking something she stepped out of the kitchen and it caught on fire. No one in the house knew about it but the pig and he saved me, my wife, and my 2 kids." "That's amazing sir but why does that pig onlly have three legs?" said the man. "Then there was that time the pig saw a big storm coming and we didn't. The pig ran into the house and dragged us out to the storm cellar. If it weren't for that pig we would all be dead." "But still, that doesn't explain why the pig only has 3 legs." "And I remember the time my youngest son was stuck up in a tree but I was too far away to hear him scream. The pig came running towards me and led me to where he was." "Well, that is miracle but how more...
The storm
It was a terrible night, blowing cold and rain in a most frightful manner. The streets were deserted and the local baker was just about to close up shop when Bernie slipped through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown inside out, and was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat. But even so he still looked wet and bedraggled.
As Bernie unwound his scarf he said to the baker, "May I have two bagels to go, please?"
The baker said in astonishment, "Two bagels? Nothing more?"
"That`s right," answered Bernie, "One for me and one for Bernice."
"Bernice is your wife?" asked the baker.
"What do you think," snapped Bernie, "my mother would send me out on a night like this?"
Two blonds decided to go shopping. A few hours later they come out and the first blond realizes that she has locked her keys in the car, so they spent a few hours pacing around the car trying to figure out what to do. Finally, the first blond looked off into the distance and saw storm clouds. She turned to her friend and said, "Quick, think of something because a storm is coming and I left the top open!"
One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted in him getting his eye gouged out. He was rushed to hospital, and, after awaking from an emergency operation, was told by the doctor that he'd been given a glass eye. The man looked in the mirror to see the result, and was shocked to see that, whereas his original eye colour was blue, his new glass eye was brown. The man was outraged.' 'I can't walk around like this!!"
"Sir," the doctor said, "there is a severe shortage on blue eyes. We had to give you a brown one. If somehow you can get hold of a blue eye, and bring it here to the hospital, we will happily fit it for you.''
A few weeks later, the man was driving home from work late one night during a big storm. Suddenly, the car in front of him lost control and skidded off the road before finally hitting a tree. The man screeched to a halt, and ran down the embankment to see if he could help. He found the driver of the car sprawled out over the more...
Dawn was breaking over the camp grounds. Tony and Steve were lying in their tent. That was a terrible thunder and lightening storm last night, Tony announced. Steve turned to him and said, Why didnt you wake me up? You know I cant sleep during a storm!
A young Native American boy went to his mother with a puzzled look on his face.
"Mom, why is my big brother named Mighty Storm?" he asked.
"Because when he was conceived, there was a mighty storm," the mother explained.
"Why is my sister called Moon Child?" he asked.
"That's because your father and I were watching the moon landing when she was conceived," replied the mother.
"Then why is my other sister called Cornflower?" asked the young boy.
"Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when she was conceived," she replied.
The mother paused for a moment, then asked her son, "Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you asking so many questions today?"