Staggers Jokes / Recent Jokes

A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer. The bartender informed him that he was not allowed to serve alcohol to drunken patrons. After a few harsh words, the bartender suggested to the drunk to prove he wasn't drunk by doing twenty push-ups on the floor. As he was doing the push-ups, another drunk staggers into the bar and sees this guy on the floor doing push-ups. He looks at him for a minute and then kicks him in the ribs saying, "Fella, I think your girl friend has gone home."

A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him.The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely--but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops more...

A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him.
The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely--but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.
The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back more...

This guy staggers into a bar and shouts, "A double whisky please barman, and a drink for everyone here… and while you're at it, have one yourself."
"Well thank you sir," says the barman and proceeds to pour everyone their drinks.
Moments later the guy shouts, "Another whisky for me, and the same again for everyone else."
The bartender looks a little worried now and says, "Excuse me sir, but don't you think you should pay me for that last round first?"
The guy slurs, "I can't. I don't have any money." With this the bartender flies into a rage and literally throws the guy out of the bar.
About twenty minutes later though the guy staggers back in and shouts out, "A double whisky for me, and a drink for all my friends."
"I suppose you'll be offering me a drink too?" the barman asks, marvelling at the guy's nerve.
"Not likely," slurs the guy, "you get nasty when you've more...

A mouse and a lion walk into a bar, and they're sitting there chugging away at a few ales when a giraffe walks in.

"Get a load of her" says the mouse, "I fancy that!"

"Well, why not try your luck?" says the lion.

So the mouse goes over to the giraffe and starts talking to her, and within five minutes they're out the door and gone into the night.

Next day, the lion is in the bar drinking away, and the mouse staggers in. And I do mean "staggers". The mouse is absolutely stuffed, worn out, ruined, an ex-mouse (and no, it wasn't Ex-Mouse Eve ).

The lion helps his pal up on to a stool, pours a drink down his throat and says "What the hell happened to you? I saw you leave with the giraffe, what happened after that? Was she all right?"

The mouse says "Yeah, she was really something else - we went out to dinner, had a couple of glasses of wine, and she invited me back to more...

This guy staggers into a bar and shouts, "A double whisky please barman, and a drink for everyone here… and while you`re at it, have one yourself." "Well thank you sir," says the barman and proceeds to pour everyone their drinks. Moments later the guy shouts, "Another whisky for me, and the same again for everyone else." The bartender looks a little worried now and says, "Excuse me sir, but don`t you think you should pay me for that last round first?" The guy slurs, "I can`t. I don`t have any money." With this the bartender flies into a rage and literally throws the guy out of the bar. About twenty minutes later though the guy staggers back in and shouts out, "A double whisky for me, and a drink for all my friends." "I suppose you`ll be offering me a drink too?" the barman asks, marvelling at the guy`s nerve. "Not likely," slurs the guy, "you get nasty when you`ve had a drink!"

A cop was watching this particular bar known for trouble hoping to catch a drunk driver. he waits a long while before he finally sees a guy comes out. the guy stumbles of the top step and falls flat on his face. he gets up staggers to a car, tries his keys for a while before he realizes it? the wrong car. he staggers over to another car and tries again until he realizes it? the wrong car. this goes on for three more cars before he finally gets the right car, all the while the cop is witnessing this. the cop thinks to himself that he is going to throw the book at this guy. the guy fumbles around for a while with the keys, in the meantime everyone comes out of the bar, gets in their cars and leave.
The guy finally turns his car on, and pulls out of the parking lot where the cop immediately pulls the guy over. the cop pulls the guy out of the, puts the handcuffs on the guy, and reads him his rights. then the cop gives the guy a breathalyzer test, but it reads 0. 00, and the cops more...