Speedo Jokes

A few rules for what men can and cannot wear at a private pool.
1) Speedos. Speedos cannot be worn by men under the following conditions:
1A) If when you look down, you can't see the color of your Speedo, you probably should not be wearing one. No matter how manly your chest may be, if your belly exceeds your chest, it is not arousing to women to see your skimpy bathing suit.
1B) If your belly hangs down over the top of the Speedo, you should not be wearing one. No, women are not impressed that you can do finger acrobatics tying up your Speedo with only one hand, as the other hand is being used to lift up the fold of skin of your belly hanging mercilessly down over the top of your Speedo.
1C) If you have one of those penises that kind of stick straight out as opposed to hang down, you should not be wearing one. No, women do not get turned on by 1and a 1/2 inches of pure male passion raging from your loins.
1D) If you have a butt that is larger than most lawn more...

Vito and VladimirThere were two guys who wanted to pick up women on a beach. One was Italian (Vito) and the other was Russian (Vladimir). Vito had no problem picking up gorgeous women; he was the most popular guy on the beach. But Vladimir had no success. Vladimir: "Vito! How do you do it? How do you attract so many beautiful women?" Vito: "Well, I'll tell ya! But it's a secret. . just between you and me. I don't want my system to become too public." Vladimir: "OK. It's a deal." Vito: "You see those potatoes over there? Well, every time I come to the beach I take one and put it in my Speedo. When the women see it, they come running from miles around." Vladimir: "That's it? I can do that." The next day, Vladimir went over to the produce stand and picked out the biggest, most perfectly shaped potato he could find. He then went into the changing room and slipped it into his Speedo. As he walked out onto the beach, he immediately noticed more...

Vito and Vladimir
There were two guys who wanted to pick up women on a beach. One was Italian (Vito) and the other was Russian (Vladimir). Vito had no problem picking up gorgeous women; he was the most popular guy on the beach. But Vladimir had no success.
Vladimir: "Vito! How do you do it? How do you attract so many beautiful women?" Vito: "Well, I'll tell ya! But it's a secret . . just between you and me. I don't want my system to become too public."
Vladimir: "OK. It's a deal."
Vito: "You see those potatoes over there? Well, every time I come to the beach I take one and put it in my Speedo. When the women see it, they come running from miles around."
Vladimir: "That's it? I can do that."
The next day, Vladimir went over to the produce stand and picked out the biggest, most perfectly shaped potato he could find. He then went into the changing room and slipped it into his Speedo. As he walked out onto the more...

Vito and VladimirThere were two guys who wanted to pick up women on a beach. One was Italian (Vito) and the other was Russian (Vladimir). Vito had no problem picking up gorgeous women; he was the most popular guy on the beach. But Vladimir had no success.Vladimir: "Vito! How do you do it? How do you attract so many beautiful women?" Vito: "Well, I'll tell ya! But it's a secret . . just between you and me. I don't want my system to become too public."Vladimir: "OK. It's a deal."Vito: "You see those potatoes over there? Well, every time I come to the beach I take one and put it in my Speedo. When the women see it, they come running from miles around."Vladimir: "That's it? I can do that."The next day, Vladimir went over to the produce stand and picked out the biggest, most perfectly shaped potato he could find. He then went into the changing room and slipped it into his Speedo. As he walked out onto the beach, he immediately noticed that more...

There once was a guy from Toledo

Who strained as he put on his speedo.

He finally succeeded,

But later conceded,

"The damn thing, it kills my libido!"