Socket Jokes / Recent Jokes

Here's an easy game to play.
> Here's an easy thing to say.
>
> If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
> And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort.
> And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort.
> Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
> If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
> And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
> And your data is corrupted' cause the index doesn't hash.
> Then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!
>
> You can't say this?
> What a shame sir!
> We'll find you another game, sir!
>
> If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
> Says the network is connected to the button on the mouse,
> But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
> That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
> And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of more...

Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Atheists question whether it's really light anyway.

Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Atheists never "see the light" anyway do they?

Q: How many hunters does it take to screw a lightbulb into a left-handed socket?
A: There is no such thing as a left-handed socket, but if they could screw right they would not be hunters.

Q: How many hunt sabs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to do it and two to clean the muddy footprints off the carpet and the chair he was standing on.

Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It turned itself in.

Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he is never around when you need him.

Q: How many LA cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six-one to do it and five to smash more...

Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tell him which end to screw in.

Q: How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Will somebody please call house-keeping?

Q: How many house-keeping staff does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You know I only get paid $5 an hour to do this, and I don't know why I always have to do everybody else's work anyway.

Q: How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They would wait for a suitable donor and do a filament transplant.

Q: How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. They'd also like to remove the socket as you aren't using it now.

Q: How many orthopedic surgeons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Why don't you just let us take out the socket? You aren't using it anyway, and it will only cause you trouble later.

Q: How many more...

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icons put your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!
If the label on your cable on the gable at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting more...

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report. If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking Icons put your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted' cause the index doesn't hash, Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash. If the label on your cable on the gable at your house, Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall. And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, So your icons in the window are a wavy as a souse, Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,' Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang! When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on this disk And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary more...

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.
Rule #1:
When in doubt, buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17, and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word "ratchet" or "socket" on it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By the way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car: a 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
Rule #4:
Never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that if God had wanted men to wear more...

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. “Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet? ” “OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet? ” Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car, a 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4:
Never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he more...