Snaps Jokes / Recent Jokes

LEVEL 1:
It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at level one you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool.".
LEVEL 2:
It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers) I'm cool.".
LEVEL 3:
One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf. And now you're thinking, "Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!" At level three, you love more...

These three scientists decided to go fishing one day. So they packed up all of their gear and headed down to the lake.
They were having terrible luck, they weren't catching a thing. But all the sudden, one of the scientists feels a pull at his line. He shouts out, "I got something, I got something!"
So he reels his catch in and much to his surprise, it's a Mermaid. She tells the scientists, "If you let me go, I will grant you each one wish." Well they think that's a pretty good deal, so they agree.
The first scientist, the one who caught the Mermaid, tells her, "I want you to double my IQ." The Mermaid says, no problem. Snaps her fingers, and suddenly he's solving all of these problems they had been working on for months.
So the next scientist thinks that's pretty neat, so he tells the Mermaid, "I want you to tripple my IQ." So the Mermaid says, "No problem." snaps her fingers once again, and now this scientist is more...

These three scientists decided to go fishing one day. So they packed up all of their gear and headed down to the lake.They were having terrible luck, they weren't catching a thing. But all the sudden, one of the scientists feels a pull at his line. He shouts out, "I got something, I got something!"So he reels his catch in and much to his surprise, it's a Mermaid. She tells the scientists, "If you let me go, I will grant you each one wish." Well they think that's a pretty good deal, so they agree.The first scientist, the one who caught the Mermaid, tells her, "I want you to double my IQ." The Mermaid says, no problem. Snaps her fingers, and suddenly he's solving all of these problems they had been working on for months.So the next scientist thinks that's pretty neat, so he tells the Mermaid, "I want you to tripple my IQ." So the Mermaid says, "No problem." snaps her fingers once again, and now this scientist is finding cures for AIDS more...

It was Christmas eve, and Santa was really busy making his list and checking it twice, when there came a knock at the door. His wife comes in. “Honey, where do you want me to put your boots and gloves? ” Well, Santa is very busy and so he’s slightly annoyed by this trivial question, so he snaps at her, “Put them by the front door, and stop bothering me. I’m trying to get some work done. ”
He starts back to work, but a few minutes later an elf barges in. “Santa, we got all the toys wrapped, what should
we do with them? ” Santa snaps, “Stick ‘em in the sleigh! Can’t you see I’m trying to get ready? I don’t want any more interruptions! ”
But sure enough, as soon as he starts back to work, there
is another interruption. An angel, standing at the door, says, “Santa, I have your Christmas tree. Where would you like me to put it? ”
And this is where we get the tradition of placing an angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Original Monologue by Larry Miller, an American comedian.
LEVEL 1:
It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers.
You get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends.
Here at level one you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool.".
LEVEL 2:
It's midnight. You've had a few more beers.
You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers) I'm cool.".
LEVEL 3:
One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila.
You've just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf. And now you're thinking, "Our waitress more...

It was Christmas eve, and Santa was really busy making his list and checking it twice, when there came a knock at the door. His wife comes in. "Honey, where do you want me to put your boots and gloves?" Well, Santa is very busy and so he's slightly annoyed by this trivial question, so he snaps at her, "Put them by the front door, and stop bothering me. I'm trying to get some work done." He starts back to work, but a few minutes later an elf barges in. "Santa, we got all the toys wrapped, what should we do with them?" Santa snaps, "Stick' em in the sleigh! Can't you see I'm trying to get ready? I don't want any more interruptions!" But sure enough, as soon as he starts back to work, there is another interruption. An angel, standing at the door, says, "Santa, I have your Christmas tree. Where would you like me to put it?" And this is where we get the tradition of placing an ange l on top of the Christmas tree.

mr brain-dead and mr heart-dead are hanging around. mr heart-dead says "the next woman coming along is mine... " then there comes an old woman and mr heart-dead snaps with his fingers.. the old woman dies by a heartattack. ok says mr brain-dead.. " the next is mine.. "
a few minutes later a blonde comes along and mr brain-dead snaps and snaps and snaps and...