Shocked Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Joe was moderately successful in the career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.
    After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. "The good news is I can cure your headaches, the bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
    Joe was shocked and depressed, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. After the operation, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He walked past a men's clothing store and more...

    A Realtor, driving his buyers around looking at houses, is suddenly pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the Realtor’s car door, and the Realtor says "Is there a problem officer?"
    The policeman says, "Sir you were speeding. Can I see your driver’s license please?"
    The driver responds, "I can’t give it to you – because I don`t have one..."
    "You don`t have one," asks the policeman?
    The Realtor responds, "I lost it 4 times for drunk driving..."
    The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration please?"
    "I am sorry, I can do that either," replies the Realtor, as the homebuyers in the back seat look stunned.
    The policeman says, "Why not?"
    "I stole this car," the Realtor responds, as the homebuyers in the back seat look shocked.
    The Officer says, "Stole it?"
    The Realtor says, "Yes I stole it, more...

    While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a cow and began a conversation.
    Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
    Indian: "Dog no talk."
    Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
    Dog: "Doin' alright."
    The Indian looked shocked.
    Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" pointing at the Indian.
    Dog: "Yep"
    Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"
    Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
    The Indian looks even more shocked.
    Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
    Indian: "Horse no talk."
    Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
    Horse: "Cool."
    The Indian looks extremely shocked.
    Cowboy: "Is this your owner? " pointing at Indian
    Horse: "Yep"
    Cowboy: "How's he treat more...

    A college professor, an avowed atheist, was teaching his class.
    He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going to prove there was no God. Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"
    The lecture room fell silent. You could have heard a pin fall. Ten minutes went by. Again he taunted God, saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."
    His countdown got down to the last couple of minutes, when a Marine just released from active duty and newly registered in the class, walked up to the professor, and hit him full force in the face and sent him tumbling from his lofty platform. The professor was out cold!
    At first, the students were shocked and babbled in confusion. The young Marine took a seat in the front row and sat silent. The class fell silent...waiting.
    Eventually, the professor came to, shaken. He looked at the young Marine in the front more...

    A well-known motivational speaker gathering the entire crowd's attention, said,
    "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who Wasn't my wife!"
    The crowd was shocked!!!!!! !!
    He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!"
    The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well
    About a week later, one of the top managers who had the training decided to use that joke at his house. He tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him.
    He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of awoman who was not my wife!"
    Naturally, his wife was shell shocked, murmuring.
    After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was! "
    As expected, he got the beating of his life time....

    Moral of the story:
    Don't more...

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