Serious Jokes / Recent Jokes
A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles.Coincidentally, by chance, while checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new
bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congrega-tion who would be
willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.Peter, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task. The minister knew that Peter and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles but he had serious doubts about Louie. Louie was just a little local farmer, who had always tended to keep to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impedi-ment. Poor little Louis stuttered very badly. But, not wanting to discourage poor Louis, the minister decided to let him try anyway.He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked more...
A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. She said, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am," the Sergeant Major said, "Just serious by nature." "The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." The Sergeant Major's short reply was, "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had more...
Top honors for "Human Projectile of the Month" go to an as-of-yet unidentified dude who is also a serious contender for the annual "Darwin Award". That prestigious prize is given posthumously to the person who does the human gene pool the greatest service by removing himself from it in the most extraordinarily stupid fashion. Troopers from the Arizona Highway Patrol got on to this gallant if not brainless form of ballistic research after motorists reported some mysterious scorched and blackened scars on a stretch of deserted highway. The more officers found, the stranger the case got. Here is what they "pieced" together: JATO units are basically huge canisters of solid rocket fuel used to achieve "Jet Assisted Take Off", typically lifting big transport planes into the air from short, rough ground runways, or shooting overloaded planes from the decks of aircraft carriers. They were not, repeat NOT, designed to augment the inherent boost factor of more...
This joke could be offensive to Norwegians, but I can assure you it's not.
Any Norwegian reader would just tell an even better joke about a Swede instead.
Read in a book about the Joke-war between Norway and Sweden.
It's mid December some year, and Norway has had a new ambassador in the USA
for about a month. He is, as a matter of fact not only new as ambassador
to the USA, he is a novice ambassador of any sort.
He is just about getting familiar with his
work, but he's not always sure about what to do. Suddenly the phone rings..
- Yees... he says, a bit confused. (His phone hardly ever rings.)
- Good morning Mr Ambassador. This is Mike Giordano from the New York Times.
I'd like to know what you want for a Christmas present.
- Eh, Sveind (Yes, that's his name) said. Christmas present... Eh...
I'm very sory Mike, I can't accept any gifts, but tanks anyway.
- Yes, of course... I understand, said Mike with a voice telling a deaf more...
A young boy was in grade four and was having a terrible time with his math.
His parents worked with him night after night but there was no improvement.
His math marks were dismal. His parents in desperation decided to transfer their son to a new school. They decided to try the Catholic school system but not until after they had given the matter serious consideration as both parents were not religious.
They checked around and the school seemed to have a good academic record. They reluctantly enrolled their son in the Catholic school. Immediately the boy's math marks soared. He went from a failing grade to become an A student.
His parents were surprised at the change and over dinner one night they asked their son about his improvement. "Was it better teaching" they asked and the boy said "No the teachers are about the same". "Was it a different text book?" Again the boy said "No it is the same text book"
Finally they asked more...
SIEM REAP, CAMBODIA--The paint is barely dry on the new Siem Reap Barnes & Noble, a gleaming, $6 million, 60, 000-square-foot book store/coffeehouse that the American bookselling giant boasts is the finest in this rural village of 2, 100. But already a serious question is being raised: Can the new bookstore--with its enormous selection, discount prices and chic espresso bar--peacefully co-exist with smaller, independently owned bookstores in the area? Store manager Amy Kleinert believes the answer is yes. "Barnes & Noble's presence will help local book sales," said Kleinert, who was previously regional manager for Barnes & Noble's Seattle-area stores. "Our store will stimulate an interest in reading, which can only be a good thing for all area book sellers." Less optimistic is Tuel Cheng, a used-book dealer and small-press operator who was recently forced out of business. "Hun Sen's troops came in the night to burn my books and smashed my son's skull on the more...
Ok, so the other day I was watching a porno. Yes I have watched a porno or two in my lifetime. Anyway, it's a lesbian scene, I think men like those, well one of the women chose to wear a strap-on. Now I am really confused, I know it's a movie, but I had to ask one of my friends who is a practicing lesbian what she thought about this practice. She told me that some lesbians like the penis, but they just don't like what it's attached to. Are you serious? I mean, men love vaginas, but give me a break, we don't always like what they're attached to either. Then I thought, how great it would be if there were detachable vaginas. I would'nt be wasting my time right now typing this bulleting/blog, I would be playing with my vaginas. In fact, every man I know would be playing with their vaginas. We'd have vagina trading parties. Hey man, I got that Asian vagina, what you got?
Women would'nt be taking self defense classes anymore, they would be taking protect your vagina classes.
Can you more...