Scored Jokes

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    According to Yahoo News, a study performed by the Pacific Institute of Research revealed that children from 2 to 4 years old that were spanked scored 5 points lower on an IQ test versus their unspanked counterparts. Children from ages 5 to 9 who were spanked scored an average of 2.8 points lower than unspanked children in the same age group.
    A new study is being coordinated right now to see if spanking has the same effect on adults who are 18 years old and up. Female volunteers are needed. Email me for details.

    I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather.

    The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game *he* was watching was better.

    I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.

    A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun.

    He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and after trying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he had scored three bullseyes. The star prize for the evening was a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the drunk wasn't aware of what he had done, and gave him instead a consolation prize, a turtle.

    The drunk wandered off into the crowd. An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the drunk insisted, and once more scored three bullseyes and was given another turtle.

    Eventually the drunk rolled more...

    I saw a sign at a gas station. It said "Help Wanted." There was another sign below it that said "Self Service." So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.

    In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

    Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

    I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body, only 2" taller.

    I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.

    This is my impression of a bowling ball... [Drags the mike along the floor, then lifts it...] Gutter...

    I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell more...

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