School Jokes / Recent Jokes

The new school librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a 'Contract' for returning the books on time.
Her first customer was a third grader who looked surprised to see a new librarian. He brought three books to the desk and shoved them across to the librarian, giving her his name as he did so.
The librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust.
Before the librarian could even start her speech, he said scornfully, "The other librarian we had knew how to write."

John Kallam graduated with a BA in criminology and entered the U.S. Army. He served for 20 years beginning in the late 1930's. He was an investigator during the Nuremberg trials of Nazi war criminals, and stayed in Germany for many years organizing civilian police forces in the post-war era. He also wrote numerous books on criminal justice. He retired from military service in the late 1950's at the rank of full colonel.
Returning to Fresno, California, he began teaching criminology at what was then Fresno State College (later to become the California State University, Fresno.) His work was well respected, but after about ten years of service, he was called to see the president of the college.
He was informed that he could no longer teach with just a bachelor's degree. Times were changing, he was told, and the school demanded that faculty members hold a graduate degree. Merely having 20 years of distinguished experience was no longer considered sufficient qualification to more...

John Kallam graduated with a BA in criminology and entered the US Army. He served for 20 years beginning in the late 1930s. He was an investigator during the Nuremberg trials of Nazi war criminals and stayed in Germany for many years organizing civilian police forces in the post-war era. He also wrote numerous books on criminal justice. He retired from military service in the late 1950s at the rank of full colonel.
Returning to Fresno, California, he began teaching criminology at what was then Fresno State College (later to become the California State University, Fresno). His work was well respected, but after about ten years of service, he was called to see the president of the college.
He was informed that he could no longer teach with just a bachelor's degree. Times were changing, he was told, and the school demanded that faculty members hold a graduate degree. Merely having 20 years of distinguished experience was no longer considered sufficient qualification to teach. All more...

Tyrone, a black kid in kindergarten came home from school one afternoon and asked his father, "Daddy, is it true that black boys have bigger penises than white boys?"

"Did some little cracka-ass say that to you or somethin?" asked the dad.

Tyrone acknowledged this was correct.

"Well," his dad said, "tomorrow when you go to school and you're up takin' a leak at the urinal, get a good lookin' at yo classmates peckers and see if it's true."

So, the next morning, Tyrone went to school, went into the bathroom with a couple of his white classmates and went to take a piss in the urinal. Trying not to get caught, he inconspiculously glanced at their penises. Tyrone grinned.

Later that day, Tyrone came home and told his dad the news. "Daddy," he said, "It's true! All them crackas have smaller dicks that me!"

"Well, son, time to face the truth... it's cuz yo ass is more...

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth" even when you don't know anything.
The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug!"

Not being the best student in Sunday School, Patty usually slept her way through it. One Sunday the teacher decided to call on her, "Patty, tell me who invented the universe."
Patty didn't stir, so little Johnny grabbed a pin, leaned forward and poked her in the ear. "God Almighty!" yelled Patty. "Very good," said the teacher, while Patty fell back alseep.
After a few minutes the teacher again asked Patty a question. "Patty, who is our Lord and Savior?"
As usual Patty didn't stir, so again Johnny poked her in the ear with the pin. "Jesus Christ!" Patty shouted. "Very good," said the teacher, as Patty fell back to sleep yet again.
The teacher then asked Patty a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty third child?" One more time, Johnny stabbed Patty with the pin.
Patty jumped up and screamed, "If you dare stick that damn thing in me again, I'm going to break it in more...

One day in Sunday school, the teacher was talking about Jesus is to the kids, "Bobby, where is Jesus?" asked the teacher. "Jesus is in heaven." replied Bobby. "Very good!", said the teacher. The teacher then asked a little girl," Where is Jesus, Emily?". Emily said innocently, "Jesus is in my heart!". The teacher beamed at little Emily and said, "How very sweet!!!". The teacher now asked Timmy, "Timmy, where is Jesus?". "Jesus is in my bathroom." he said assuredly. "Please elaborate, Timmy.", the teacher said. Timmy then replied, "Well, every morning my dad gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells. Jesus Christ, are you still in there!!!"