Ruled Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The following is a list of dead people connected to Bill Clinton. Please
    note the following breakdown of causes, and then think about the statistical possibility of their being random occurrences (especially the plane crashes):
    1. James McDougal - Clinton's convicted Whitewater partner died of an
    apparent heart attack, while in solitary confinement. He was a key
    witness in Ken Starr's investigation.
    2. Mary Mahoney - A former White House intern was murdered July 1997 at a
    Starbucks Coffee Shop in Georgetown. The murder happened just after she
    was to go public with her story of sexual harassment in the White House.
    3. Vince Foster - Former White House counselor, and colleague of Hillary
    Clinton at Little Rock's Rose law firm. Died of a gunshot wound to the
    head, ruled a suicide.
    4. Ron Brown - Secretary of Commerce and former Democratic National
    Committee Chairman. Reported to have died more...

    If men ruled the world:
    Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
    Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."
    Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
    When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
    Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.
    Birth control would come in ale or lager.
    You'd be expected to fill your resume with gag names of people you'd worked for, like "Heywood J'Blowme."
    Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.
    The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
    "Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse more...

    If Women Ruled the World...
    Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams.
    PMS would be a legitimate defense in court.
    Men would get reputations for sleeping around.
    Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding
    rings in their pockets.
    A man would no longer be considered a "good catch" simply because he's
    Fewer women would be dieting because their ideal weight standard would
    increase by 40 pounds.
    Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity
    "Ms." Magazine would have an annual swimsuit issue featuring scantily
    clad male models.
    Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of
    Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for one
    of the credit.
    Little girls would read "Snow White and the Seven Hunks"
    Men would earn 70 cents for every dollar women made.
    Men would bring drinks, chips and more...

    "If Men TRULY Ruled the World!"...
    Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the behind and a "Nice hustle, you'll get'em next time" would pretty much do it.
    Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
    On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too.
    St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
    Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history!
    The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".
    Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
    Tanks would be far easier to rent.
    Two words..."Ally McNaked".
    Birth control would come in ale or lager.
    Garbage would take more...

    AP December 12, 1999 - The Energizer Bunny, known best for, "going and going and going..." passed away last evening at 12: 42am.
    Upon completion of the autopsy early this morning, the chief medical examiner ruled that the death was caused by acute cardiac arrest, induced by sexual over-stimulation.
    Apparently, someone put the battery in backwards and the bunny kept coming and coming and coming,...
    Foul play has not been ruled out.

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