Reference Jokes / Recent Jokes

These "Weird Reference Questions" are from the Library Paraprofessionals Listserv. All of these are real and provide proof that a "better idiot" can be invented.
"Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?"
"Do you have that book by Rushdie: 'Satanic Nurses'?" (Actual title: "Satanic Verses")
"I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $
39.
95. Do you know which one it is?"
"Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?" hahahaha...what a bone head!
"Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?" hmmm...I don't recollect any camera-toting cavemen...do you?
"I'm looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I'm having trouble with it in my neck." (No...that's your brain miss-firing.)
"I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would more...

These "Weird Reference Questions" are from the Library Paraprofessionals Listserv. All of these are real and provide proof that a "better idiot" can be invented." Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?" "Do you have that book by Rushdie:' Satanic Nurses'?" (Actual title: "Satanic Verses")"I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39. 95. Do you know which one it is?" "Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?" hahahaha... what a bone head!"Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?" hmmm... I don't recollect any camera-toting cavemen... do you?" I'm looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I'm having trouble with it in my neck." (No... that's your brain miss-firing.)"I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of more...

proof by example:
The author gives only the case n = 2 and suggests that it contains most of the ideas of the general proof.
proof by intimidation:
"Trivial."
proof by vigorous handwaving:
Works well in a classroom or seminar setting.
proof by cumbersome notation:
Best done with access to at least four alphabets and special symbols.
proof by exhaustion:
An issue or two of a journal devoted to your proof is useful.
proof by omission:
"The reader may easily supply the details"
"The other 253 cases are analogous"
"..."
proof by obfuscation:
A long plotless sequence of true and/or meaningless syntactically related statements.
proof by wishful citation:
The author cites the negation, converse, or generalization of a theorem from the literature to support his claims.
proof by funding:
How could three different government agencies be wrong?
proof by more...

One day a man walked into the main library of a major research university. He stopped at the reference desk and asked the librarian if she had any current books about economics and the economy.
She answered that she did, and led the man to the reference shelves where the economics and economy books were.
To the surprise of both the librarian and the man all of the books were off the shelf being used.
"That's OK," the man said. "I'll just go to another library. You see, I'm a very busy man, and I set this weekend aside for studying economics and the economy."
The librarian said she understood and gave the man directions to the nearest research library. But her interest piqued, she asked: "Why are you so urgent to study economics and the economy?"
The man replied: "I'm an economist. I've been teaching at this university for the past ten years. I'm attending a business meeting on Monday, and I figure the economy has changed in more...

Never write a line of code that someone else can understand.
Make the simplest line of code appear complex. Use long
counter intuitive names. Don't ever code "a=b", rather do something
like:
AlphaNodeSemaphore=*(int)(&(unsigned long)(BetaFrameNodeFarm));
Type fast, think slow.
Never use direct references to anything ever. Bury everything in
macros. Bury the macros in include files. Reference those include
files indirectly from other include files. Use macros to reference
those include files.
Never include a comment that will help someone else understand your
code. If they understand it, they don't need you.
Never generate new sources. Always ifdef the old ones. Every binary
in the world should be generated from the same sources.
Never archive all the sources necessary to build a binary. Always
hide on your own disk. If they can build your binary, they don't
need you.
Never code a function to return a value. more...

These "Weird Reference Questions" are from the Library Paraprofessionals Listserv. All of these are real and provide proof that a "better idiot" can be invented.

"Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?"

"Do you have that book by Rushdie:' Satanic Nurses'?" (Actual title: "Satanic Verses")

"I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $
39.
95. Do you know which one it is?"

"Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?" hahahaha... what a bone head!

"Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?" hmmm... I don't recollect any camera-toting cavemen... do you?

"I'm looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I'm having trouble with it in my neck." (No... that's your brain miss-firing.)

"I am more...

These "Weird Reference Questions" are from the Library Paraprofessionals Listserv. All of these are real and provide proof that a "better idiot" can be invented."Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?""Do you have that book by Rushdie: 'Satanic Nurses'?" (Actual title: "Satanic Verses")"I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95. Do you know which one it is?""Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?" hahahaha...what a bone head!"Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?" hmmm...I don't recollect any camera-toting cavemen...do you?"I'm looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I'm having trouble with it in my neck." (No...that's your brain miss-firing.)"I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of more...