Purchase Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way, (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, was to say, "Hallelujah!" The only way to make the donkey stop, was to say, "Amen!"
    The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions. "Hallelujah!" shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. "Amen!" shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately. "This is great!" said the man. With a "Hallelujah," he rode off very proud of his new purchase.
    The man traveled for a long time through some mountains. Soon he was heading toward a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the donkey stop. "Stop," said the man. "Halt!" he cried. The donkey just kept going. "Oh, no... Bible!.... Church!... Please Stop!!" shouted the man. The donkey just more...

    In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is permitted to purchase and wear his first kilt.
    A couple of weeks before his important birthday, a young lad went to a tailor shop and found the material he wanted for his first kilt. He took the material to the tailor and said, "I'd like ye to make me a kilt with this material here and, if ye don't mind, I'd like ye to make me a pair of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings!"
    So, the tailor took the material and promised to call the young lad when the order was completed.
    A few days later, the tailor called the lad back to the shop. "Here's ye kilt, and here's ye matching underwear, and here's five yards of the material left over. Ye might want to take it home and keep it in case ye want anything else made of it."
    So, the lad rushed home with his order, threw the material in his room, and donned his kilt. In his excitement, more...

    This was actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website by an
    employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does
    not (have a sense of humor) and made the web department take it down
    immediately.
    Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to
    protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty
    registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the
    information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and
    desires.
    [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade [_] Classified
    First Name: _______________ Initial: __ Last Name: _______________
    Code Name: __________ Password: ________ (max 8 char)
    Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ____ ____ ____
    Which model aircraft did you purchase?
    [_] F-14 Tomcat
    [_] F-15 Eagle
    [_] F-16 Falcon
    [_] F-117A Stealth
    [_] Classified
    Date more...

    The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. "After all, dear," she said to her husband, "you wouldn't expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?" "No," her husband replied." Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver."

    Attempting to make up for his bad behavior, Bill Clinton headed out to the store to purchase a gift for Hillary.
    Entering the store, he approached the attractive young salesgirl and said, "I would like to purchase a pair of gloves for my wife, but I'm unsure of her size."
    "Would this help?" she asked sweetly, while placing her hand in his. "Oh yes," he replied, "her hands a slightly smaller than yours."
    "Very well, will there be anything else?" asked the salesgirl.
    "Yes, now that you've mentioned it," replied Bill, "she also needs panties and a bra."

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