Properly Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A prominent Polish scientist conducted very important experiment. He trained a flea to jump upon giving her a verbal command ("Jump!").In a first stage of experiment he removed flea's leg, told her to jump, and the flea jumped. So he wrote in his scientific notebook: "Upon removing one leg all flea organs function properly."So, he removed the second leg, asked the flea to jump, she obeyed, so he wrote again: "Upon removing the second leg all flea organs function properly."Thereafter he removed all the legs but one, the flea jumped when ordered, so he wrote again: "Upon removing the next leg all flea organs function properly."Then he removed the last leg. Told flea to jump, and nothing happened. He did not want to take a chance, so he repeated the experiment several times, and the leg less flea never jumped. So he wrote the conclusion: "Upon removing the last leg the flea loses sense of hearing"

    A Soviet emigre boy and girl come to a doctor's office and say: "Doctor, we would like to know if we are screwing properly. Will you watch us, please?" The doctor, somewhat puzzled, agrees, they climb on his table, the boy gets on top of the girl, and they have sex. After observing them, the doctor says, "Yes, you're having sex properly. That will be forty dollars." They come back the next day with the same request, but this time the boy enters the girl from the rear. They keep coming for four days in a row, using different positions every day. On the fifth visit the doctor says, "Why do you keep on coming back? I told you you're having sex properly." The boy explains, "The hotel room costs the same forty dollars, but this way we get reimbursed by Medicaid."


    > > Element: Woman
    > > Symbol: Wo
    > > Discoverer: Adam
    > >
    > > Quantitative analysis: Accepted at 36-28-36, though isotopes ranging

    > > 25-10-20 through 60-55-60 have been identified.
    > >
    > > Occurance: Found wherever man is, but seldom in the highly reactive,
    > > energetic single state. Surplus quantities in all urban areas.
    > >
    > > Physical properties: Undergoes spontaneous dehydrolysis (weeps) at
    > > absolutely nothing and freezes at a moments notice. Totally
    > > unpredicatble. Melts when properly treated, very bitter if not well
    > > Found in many states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
    > > Non-magnetic, but attracted coins and sports cars. In its natural
    state > > the specimen varies considerably, but is often changed
    artificially so > > well that the change is indiscernable except to the
    experienced eye.
    > >
    > > more...

    Man comes in, in a panic. He had typed a document the day before, and now it was all gone. "Have you saved it properly?" was of course my first question. Yes, he said, it was saved properly. But all the text had mysteriously disappeared. On his disk, I found a completely empty document. Indeed it was saved, apparently, and indeed it did not contain text. Of course, he had saved the document right BEFORE he started typing. When it was finished, he took out his disk and shut down the computer. And now all that text was gone, even though he had SAVED! To top it all off, he got mad at ME when I told him the only thing he could do was retype the whole thing. Was I nuts or something?

    Manufactured by: MOMCATT - Makers Of Many CATTs
    Anytown USA (Offices around the World)


    Low Power CPU
    Self Portable Operation
    Dual Video Inputs
    Dual Audio Inputs
    Audio Output
    Main Input Multiplexed with Error Output
    Auto Search for Input Data
    Auto Search for Output Bin
    Auto Learn Program in ROM
    Auto Sleep When Not in Use
    Wide Operating Temperature Range
    Self Cleaning

    Production Details

    After basic construction, the unit undergoes 6 weeks of ROM
    programming and burn-in testing. MOMCATT will typically reject
    inferior products, but sometimes people will salvage rejected units.

    These factory seconds may or may not perform the same as units that
    pass the standard acceptance testing. All of the previously listed
    features are installed during this interval. Since MOMCATT uses many
    different suppliers, there is wide variation between the more...

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