Politician Jokes

Q. Why is ObamaCare like an apple a day? A. It keeps your doctor away.

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...
Broiled Missionary: $25.00
Fried Explorer: $35.00
Baked Politician: $100.00.
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politician?"
The cook replied "Have you ever tried to clean one of them?"

A politician is a person who can make waves and then make you think they are the only one who can save the ship.

A buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."
A clergyman at the Pearly Gates "A Builder, a clergyman and a politician sttod outside the Pearly Gates, waiting for admission.
"I'm sorry, gentlement," Saint Peter said, "but the gates are broken."
The builder took a look at the gate, then offered to repair them for ten dollars.
"Why ten dollars?" Saint Peter asked.
"Five dollars for my labor, five dollars for the material," the builder explained.
"What about you" Saint Peter asked the Clergyman. "Can you fix them?"
"Yes, for thirty dollars. Ten for the orphans' fund, ten for the church's building fund, and ten for the poor box."
"And you, can you fix them?" Saint Peter asked the politician.
"Of course," the politician replied. "But I'll need $110."
"A hundred ten more...

I cross ocean, poor and broke. Take bus, see employment folk. Nice man treat me good in there. Say I need to see welfare. Welfare say,' You come no more, We send cash right to your door.' Welfare checks, they make you wealthy, Medicaid it keep you healthy! By and by, I get plenty money, Thanks to you, American dummy. Write to friends in motherland, Tell them' come fast as you can.' They come in turbans and Ford trucks, I buy big house with welfare bucks They come here, we live together, More welfare checks, it gets better! Fourteen families, they moving in, But neighbor's patience wearing thin. Finally, white guy moves away, Now I buy his house, and then I say,' Find more aliens for house to rent.' And in the yard I put a tent. Send for family they just trash, But they, too, draw the welfare cash! Everything is very good, And soon we own the neighborhood. We have hobby it's called breeding, Welfare pay for baby feeding. Kid's need dentist? Wife's need pills? We get free! We got no more...