Pickup Jokes / Recent Jokes

Joan, the town gossip and supervisor of the town's morals, publicly accused her neighbor George of being an alcoholic because she saw his pickup truck parked outside the town's only bar. George stared at her for a moment, and said nothing. Later that evening, he parked his pickup truck in front of her house and left it there all night.

Stella, the town gossip and self-appointed supervisor of the town's morals, always stuck her nose into other people's business.
Many of the local residents didn't appreciate her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. However, she made a mistake when she accused one of the local men, Bert, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked outside the town's only bar one afternoon.
Bert, known to be a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away without saying a word. Later that evening, he parked his pickup truck in front of her house and left it there all night.

Her: But, I love you..
Me: You don't know how to love...
Her: Yes I do...!
Me: Really, please explain...
Her: I want to share everything with you... My deepest secrets...
Me: What? Your Cervix?
Her: Fuck you!
Me: Exactly!

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.
She emphatically told George and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... and left it there all night.

As you may already know, THE DARWIN AWARDS are bestowed every year upon(the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human genepool.And now, for this year's illustrious winner(s):.. drum roll... JohnPernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at Gorge, Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among them) they sat in theparking lot, and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easyenough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and sneak into the show.The two friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the planwas for John-100 pounds heavier than Sal-to hop over, and then assist hisfriend over the fence. Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop onthe other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himselfcrashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted by a large more...

Man: Excuse me love you don't sweat much for a fat bird!

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shit!"
Only the state of Texas was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, "Hey Y'all, hold my beer and watch this!"