Pants Jokes / Recent Jokes

HOW CLEAN IS YOUR MIND?
I challenge you NOT to think dirty. All of the answers in this quiz are NOT obscene in any way.
Vocabulary Test for the Dirty Minded:
What is a four-letter word that ends in "k" and means the same as intercourse?
What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?
What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it?
What word starts with "f " and ends with "u-c-k"?
Name five words that are each four letters long, end in "u-n-t" one of which is a word for a woman?
What does a dog do that you can step into?
What four letter word begins with "f " and ends with "k", and if you can't get one you can use your hands?
What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?
What four-letter word ends in "i-t " and is found on the bottom of more...

A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.

In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his college degree for his murder of three people. "There are too many business grads out there," he said. "If I had chosen another field, all this may not have happened."

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with more...

A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders. He says, "What the hell is that all about?"The farmer says, "We had a fire in the chicken coop and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm. There ain't nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other."

Excitable: Shorts half twisted around, can’t find hole, rips shorts.
Sociable: Joins friends in pee, whether he has to go or not.
Nosey: Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
Cross-eyed: Looks into urinal on left, pees into one in center.
Timid: Can’t urinate if someone else is watching, flushes urinal anyway.
Indifferent: If all urinals are being used, pees in sink.
Clever: No hands. Shows off by fixing tie, looks around, pees on floor.
Worried: Is not sure of what he has been doing, makes a quick inspection.
Frivolous: Plays stream up and down and across urinal, tries to hit fly.
Absentminded: Opens vest, pulls out tie, pees in pants.
Disgusted: Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.
Sneaky: Farts silently while peeing, acts very innocent, knows that the man in the next stall will be blamed.
Childish: Leaks directly into the urinal bottom, likes to watch bubbles.
Patient: Stands very more...

A salesman was talking with a farmer when he looked over and saw a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders.
"What's with the rooster?" the salesman asked.
"We had a fire in the chicken coop a couple of months ago and all of his feathers got singed off," explained the farmer, "so my wife made him some clothes to keep him warm."
"Ok, but that was a couple of months ago," said the salesman. "Why is he still wearing them?"
"There ain't nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other," replied the farmer.

This Poor Innocent Guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage.

Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30-minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the more...

Arkansas Governor Application First name:___________________Last name(if known):_______________________Address (where you live):Mother's name(list also relation, i.e., sister):__________________Birthdate(yours):____________________Father's name (if known, if not, list two possible choices)______________Color of neck: Light Red( ) Medium Red( ) Dark Red( ) No Neck( )Year of pickup truck:____________ Do you have the following in your truck: Fuzzy Dice( ) Gun Rack( ) Coon Tail( ) Filled ash tray( ) Used Condoms( ) Dead Road Kill( ) Dog of Unknown Breed( )Have you ever been to a large city? (Like Little Rock) Yes( ) No( )How far can you throw cow pies? __________ Do you eat cow pies? Yes( ) No( )Wife's name:__________________ Is she: Cousin( ) Neighbor( ) Sister( ) Mother( ) Neighbor's dog( ) Right hand( )Does your wife weigh: Less than 200 Pounds( ) Less than 300 Pounds( ) Less than a 747( ) More than a 747( )Do you know what a 747 is? Yes( ) No( )How much smarter than you is your wife: more...