Pain Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain.""I know, but can't you give me some idea?," she asks. "Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little...""Like this?" "A little more...""Like this?" "No. A little more...""Like this?" "Yes. Does that hurt?" "A little bit." "Now stretch it over your head!"
Banta had a toothache; so he went to a dentist. After examining Banta's teeth, the dentist stated that one tooth had to be extracted. Banta got very worried about the pain he might have to suffer.
The dentist told him,' Don't worry, I will use a local anaesthetic and you will not feel any pain when the tooth is extracted.'
Banta consoled the dentist,' Doctor, I am glad that these days when people are crazy about foreign things, you prefer local products.'
A man who had raped 5 women, who had killed 10 men with his bare hands, who had molested 15 children and who had voted for democrats died. As per the age old practise the Satan let him choose the fashion in which he was to spend all eternity.
Behind this first door was the old familiar room with a floor of knobbed iron. As far as the eye could see, there were people standing on their heads. The iron knobs dug into their skulls and the man shuddered as he heard their pathetic moans of pain. "Not for me," he said, and slammed the door.
The second door as again you know was leading to a vast room with more people standing on their heads, this time on a hard wood floor, rife with splinters. The man backed away from the cries of pain and slammed this door as well.
Finally, with sinking heart, the man opened the third door. Here an entirely different sight met his eyes: In this room Mr. Clinton was having a jolly good time naked in bed with Julia Roberts. "This is more...
Little Johnny came running into the house bawling his eyes out and cradling his hand.
"Mommy, quick! Get me a glass of cider!" he wailed.
"Why do you want a glass of cider?" asked his mom.
"I cut my hand on a thorn, and I want the pain to go away."
Confused, but weary of the child's whining, the mother obliged and poured him a glass of cider. Little Johnny immediately dunked his hand in it.
"OUCH! It still hurts! This cider doesn't work!" he whined.
"What are you talking about?" asked Little Johnny's increasingly perplexed mommy, "What ever made you think that cider would ease your pain?"
"Well, I overheard my big sister say that whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider."
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
" Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.
" You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
" What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."