Pagan Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Tonight, all over the country, kids will be out in force, trick-or-treating. Harmless, community-minded fun, right? Not according to the born-agains and fundies who are appalled that a "pagan" holiday is being celebrated in their midst, and can't seem to shut up about it.
    I'm going to go out on a theological limb here and assert that, ancient Celtic practices aside, a 3-year-old dressed like a duck and collecting bite-size Milky Ways in a plastic bucket will not cause a Hellmouth to suddenly open on your street. And I don't think Jesus would get that upset over a little shaving cream in the hair. He'd probably even appreciate a sexy French maid or two. He did hang out with whores and lepers after all.
    Oh, and don't think I'm letting you off the hook, Wiccans. If one more of you thinks you're rocking my world by smugly informing me the date of December 25th is "actually a pagan holiday, you know," I'm going to give you a free colon cleansing with a table-top more...

    A Pagan dies and, to his great surprise, he finds himself standing
    before some pearly gates. St. Peter asks him, "May I help you?"
    The Pagan asks, "Where am I?"
    Peter says, "You're at the gates of heaven."
    The Pagan says, "But I don't believe in heaven."
    Peter frowns at him. "You're one of those Pagans, aren't you?"
    "Yes. I believe I'm in the wrong place; I'm supposed to go to
    Peter says, "Sorry. We took over Summerland, and it's temporarily
    closed for remodeling."
    "What should I do now?"
    Peter says, "Well, since we don't allow Pagans in heaven, you have
    to go to hell. Sorry. Just follow that path that leads downward and
    to the left."
    The Pagan walks down to hell, where the gates are standing open. He
    walks in and finds beautiful meadows, happy animals, and clear
    streams of water.
    He walks on in and more...

    WARNING:If you are not pagan you will not get this joke note the diclaimer.
    why did the blond pagan have a lasso
    she wanted to draw down the moon

    Pagan Lightbulb Jokes (Okay, this is REALLY vague, but I'm sure some people are going to love it...)

    *How many lesbian feminist Dianic Wiccans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Just one, and it's NOT FUNNY!!!

    *How many Dianics does it take to change a light bulb?

    (any large number here) -- One to change the light bulb, one to prepare the environmental impact statement, and the rest to do a self-criticism afterwards...

    *How many Dianics does it take to change a light bulb?

    Only one, but that bulb has really got to want to change.

    *How many years does it take a Dianic Wiccan to change a lightbulb?

    You can change it whenever you are empowered to do so.

    *How many years does it take a Dianic Wiccan to change a lightbulb?

    Not sure.....we'll call Z. Bhudapest and get back to you!

    *How many Dianic women does it take to change a lightbulb?

    That's W-I-M-M-I-N, more...

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