Ouch Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mirror, mirror A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bust-line forty four". Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her boobs grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what has happened, and in minutes they both return. This time the husband crosses his fingers and says: "Mirror mirror on the door, make my "manhood" touch the floor!". Again, there's a bright flash and both his legs fall off.

Two guys are susposed to meet at 4:30. Charley shows up at4:30 and waits. Finally, at almost 5:00, Paul shows up andCharley says, "Where have you been? You're a 1/2 hour late."Paul replies, "Sorry, I had to go to the dentist. My dick'sbeen hurting bad."Charley says, "If your dick's been hurting, why did you goto the dentist?"Paul answers, "Because I had a tooth stuck in it."

A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his newterritory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, andbefore she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow pattiesall over the carpet.He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up thathorseshit, I'll eat every chunk of it." She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"He Salesman says, "why do you ask?"She says "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."

Picked this one up from a friend at school:
137 lemmings walk into a more...

This bloke picks up woman at the local pub. They go for a romanticwalk down the street. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll hislustful desires rise to a fever pitch.He is just about to put the hard word on her when she says, "I hope you don'tmind but I'm busting to have a piss".Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK whydon't you go behind these bushes".She nods in agreement and disappears behind the bushes.As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rollingdown her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed.Unable to contain himself for another moment, he reaches througha gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings hishand further up her thigh until suddenly he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.He shouts in horror "My God, don't tell me your really a bloke!"."No" she replies", "I've changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead."

This guy walks in to a bathroom. There is a hole in the wall, and a signthat says "put your dick in here, we'll do what your wife does for you". Sothe guy puts his dick in there, and they sew a button on it.

A Group pf Blondes Walked into a building
OUCH!!!
OR
A Group Of BLondes Walked into a buiding
You would have thought one of them would of noticed it!!!