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The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Boyle's Laws: (1) The success of any venture will be helped by prayer, even in the wrong denomination. (2) When things are going well, someone will inevitably experiment detrimentally. (3) The deficiency will never show itself during the dry runs. (4) Information travels more surely to those with a lessor need to know. (5) An original idea can never emerge from committee in the original. (6) When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system will perform perfectly. (7) The crucial memorandum will be snared in the out-basket by the paper clip of the overlying correspondence and go to file. (8) Success can be insured only by devising a defense against failure of the contingency plan. (9) Performance is directly affected by the perversity of inanimate objects. (10) If not controlled, work will to the competent man until he submerges. (11) The lagging activity in a project will invariably be found in the area where the highest overtime rates lie waiting. (12) Talent in staff work more...

THE FIRST WORTHWHILE CHAIN LETTER
This chain letter was developed by virile men in order to make their sex
life even more fantastic. As opposed to normal chain letters, this one
costs nothing, and you can only win. Simply send this e-mail to 6 fellas
who are just as virile as you. Then anaesthetize your wife/girlfriend, put
her in a large carton (don't forget some ventilation holes), and send it
to the person who is at the top of your list. Soon, your name will be at
the top of the list, and you will receive 823,542 women through the post.
Statistically, among those women, will be at least: 0.5 miss worlds 2.5
models 463 wild nymphos 3,234 good-looking nymphos 20,198 who enjoy
multiple orgasms 40,198 bi-sexual women In total, that is 64,294 women who
are simply hornier, less inhibited, and tastier than the grumpy old bag
you posted off. And, best of all, your original package is guaranteed not
to be one of those that come back to more...

In an effort to clarify questions about the purported durability and unusual physical characteristics of Twinkies, we subjected the Hostess snack logs to the following experiments:

Exposure
A Twinkie was left on a window ledge for 4 days, during which time an inch and a half of rain fell. Many flies were observed crawling across the Twinkie’s surface, but contrary to hypothesis, birds, even pigeons, avoided this potential source of substance. Despite the rain and prolonged exposure to the sun, the Twinkie retained its original color and form. When removed, the Twinkie was found to be substantially dehydrated. Cracked open, it was observed to have taken on the consistency of industrial foam insulation; the filling however, retained its advertised “creaminess”

Radiation
A Twinkie was placed in a conventional microwave oven, which was set for precisely 4 minutes - the approximate cooking time of bacon. After 20 seconds, the oven began to emit the more...

THE ORIGINAL HANDBOOK OF FOOTBALL
Do you remember primary school/junior high/high school? Do you remember talking about 'the bases' with your friends?...
Well forget'em! This is **FOOTBALL**. With the all new standardized guide to Football, you can forget any of the previous complications of having to remember what second base was or any of that shit. And you wonder why there is a strike in Baseball and not Football! Quite simply, Baseball is a boring, confusing, and often an ambiguous game especially when trying to compare it to sexual experiences. Whereas Football was invented for the soul purpose of understanding where you and your friends are at. Basically the game of Football is one big sex metaphor. No one has discovered that yet, but as you will soon see, the complications of modern romance are easily solved here, in The Original Handbook of Football!
Okay now for the yard lines.
your 10 yrd ln... holding hands
" 20 yrd ln... hugging
" 30 yrd more...

Reviewing homework assignments, the teacher asks Sandy to tell the class what part of the human body enlarges to seven times its original size when stimulated.
Sandy stands up and says, "Miss Smith, I know the answer, but I'm too embarrassed to say it."
"Paul," the teacher says, "Please tell the class what part of the human body enlarges to seven times its size when stimulated."
Paul stands and says, "When stimulated by light, the pupil of the eye enlarges to seven times its original size."
"Correct, Paul." Then, turning to Sandy, the teacher says, "First of all Sandy, you did not do your homework. Second, you have a very dirty mind. Third, when you marry, you're in for a very big disappointment!"

Indian History: Supposedly written by a schoolboy with all original spellings:
The original inhabitants of ancient India were called Adidases, who lived in two cities called Hariappa and Mujhe-na-Daro. These cities had the best drain system in the world and so there was no brain drain from them Ancient India was full of myths which have been handed down from son to father. A myth is a female moth. A collection of myths is called mythology, which means stories with female caricatures. One myth says that people in olden times worshipped monkeys because they were our incestors.
In olden times there were two big families in India. One was called the Pandava and the other was called the Karova. They fought amongst themselves in a battle called Mahabharat, after which India came to be known as MeraBharat Mahan.
In midevil times India was ruled by the Slave Dienasty. So named because they all died a nasty death. Then came the Tughlaqs who shifted their capital from Delhi more...