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The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. Hes met by thereception committee, andafter a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriadrecreations available. He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text ofthe Holy Scriptures, andspends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming alinguistic master, hesits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of theBible, working backfrom the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script. All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels comerunning to him, only tofind the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering,"An R! They left outthe R."God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problemis. After collectinghis wits, the Pope sobs again, "Its the letter R. .. the word wassupposed to beCELEBRATE!"

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.

An executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes him.

An error in the premise will appear in the conclusion.

An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.

An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.

An original idea can never emerge from committee in its original form.

An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.

An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure.

An ounce of rejection is worse than a pound of "sure".

Any argument carried far enough will end up in semantics.

A new young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up. In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." So, he goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscript is held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes downstairs to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall, and wailing "We forgot the 'R', We forgot the more...

In an effort to clarify questions about the purported durability and unusual physical characteristics of Twinkies, I subjected the Hostess snack logs to the following experiments:

Exposure:

A Twinkie was left on a window ledge for 4 days, during which time an inch and a half of rain fell.
Many flies were observed crawling across the Twinkie's surface, but contrary to hypothesis, birds -- even pigeons -- avoided this potential source of substance.
Despite the rain and prolonged exposure to the sun, the Twinkie retained its original color and form. When removed, the Twinkie was found to be substantially dehydrated. Cracked open, it was observed to have taken on the consistency of industrial foam insulation; the filling however, retained its advertised "creaminess."

Radiation

A Twinkie was placed in a conventional microwave oven, which was set for precisely 4 minutes -- the
approximate cooking time of bacon. After 20 more...

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
An executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes him.
An error in the premise will appear in the conclusion.
An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
An original idea can never emerge from committee in its original form.
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure.
An ounce of rejection is worse than a pound of "sure".
Any argument carried far enough will end up in semantics.

This is Army policy all begins... Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the Banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all the apes are sprayed with cold water. Continue until, when another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes try to prevent it. Now, turn off the cold water. Now, remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted. Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm. more...

Start With A Cage Containing Five Apes.

In The Cage, Hang A Banana On A String And Put Stairs Under It. Before Long, An Ape Will Go To The Stairs And Start To Climb Towards The Banana. As Soon As He Touches The Stairs, Spray All Of The Apes With Cold Water.

After A While, Another Ape Makes An Attempt With The Same Result - All The Apes Are Sprayed With Cold Water. This Continues Through Several More Attempts. Pretty Soon, When Another Ape Tries To Climb The Stairs, The Other Apes All Try To Prevent It.

Now, Turn Off The Cold Water. Remove One Ape From The Cage And Replace It With A New One. The New Ape Sees The Banana And Wants To Climb The Stairs. To His Horror, All Of The Other Apes Attack Him. After Another Attempt And Attack, He Knows That If He Tries To Climb The Stairs, He Will Be Assaulted.

Next, Remove Another Of The Original Five Apes And Replace It With A New One. The Newcomer Goes To The Stairs And Is Attacked. The Previous more...