Nun Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man admitted in to a hospital run by nuns for surgery. After the surgery he was handed over a huge bill to be paid.
The man went to the manager who too was a nun and told her that he couldn't afford to pay this bill. "I haven't got so much money" he said.
The manager nun asked him " haven't you got a family?"
He responded "no, I don't have any other family or relatives except a sister who too is a nun, a spinster like you".
The nun was not happy at his comment and told him
"we are not spinsters, we are married to Jesus".
"Is that so, the man responded, "you mean my sister too is married to Jesus, then please send the bill to my brother in law".

The other day I was sitting in the doctor's office when a nun came running out of the exam room screaming and yelling. She was so upset, she didn't even pay her bill, just slammed the door and left.
About a minute later the doctor came out and the nurse asked him, "Doctor, what on earth happened in there?"
The doctor replied, "Well, I examined her. Then I told her she was pregnant."
"Pregnant? A nun? That's impossible!", said the nurse.
"I know it. But it sure cured her hiccups."

A priest and a nun were lost in a snowstorm. After a while, they came upon a small cabin. Being exhausted, they prepared to go to sleep.
There was a stack of blankets and a sleeping bag on the floor but only one bed. Being a gentleman, the priest said, “Sister, you sleep on the bed. I’ll sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag. ”
Just as he got zipped up in the bag and was beginning to fall asleep, the nun said “Father, I’m cold. ” He unzipped the sleeping bag, got up, got the blanket, and put it on her.
Once again, he got into the sleeping bag, zipped it up and started to drift off to sleep when the nun once again said, “Father, I’m still very cold. ” He unzipped the bag, got up again, put another blanket on her and got into the sleeping bag once again.
Just as his eyes closed, she said, “Father, I’m sooooo cold. ” This time, he remained there and said, “Sister, I have an idea. We’re out here in the wilderness where no one will ever know more...

There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk. I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again. This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt. Then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move. So then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said. "Not very strong tonight, are you Batman?"

There was a country boy who comes down to town and stays too long in the pub, ending up pissed as a rat. On leaving he walks down the road and bumps in to a nun who was standing outside her church. The boy turns on the nun throwing her to the ground and flailing at her with both hands kicking and wrestling with her. The patrons of the pub hear the fight and come running outside and drag him off the Nun. As he is being taken away he yells out, "Shit! I thought you would be tougher than that, Batman!"

There are two nuns. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us,
for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes?
I wonder what he wants?
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way, and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried, what has happened to more...

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step in the showers before theyrealize there is no soap. Father John says he hassome soap in his room and goes to get it, notbothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap inhis hands and heads back to the showers. He getshalfway down the hall when he sees three nunsheading his way. Having no place to hide, hestands against the wall and freezes like he's astatue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls hisdick. Startled, he drops a bar of soap."Oh look," says the 2nd nun... "A soap dispenser."To test her theory she also pulls his dick... andsure enough he drops the last bar of soap. Thethird nun then pulls, first once, then twice andthree times. Still nothing happens. So she triesonce more and to her delight she yells..."Look, hand cream!"