Number Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What is the most erotic number?
A: 2110593!
Q: Why?
A: When 2 are 1 and don't pay at10tion, they'll know within 5 weeks whether or not, after 9 months, they'll be 3...
A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Boudreaux. The boss thought to himself, "I'm not hiring that ole lazy cajun..."
He decided to set a test for Boudreaux, hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions, and he'd be able to refuse him the job without any problems.
The first question the boss asked was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." Boudreaux says, "Dat's easy," and draws three oak trees. The boss says, "What the hell's that?" Boudreaux says, "Tree' n' tree' n' tree makes nine."
The boss says, "Fair enough." "Second question, same rules, but this time represent 99."
Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Dere ya go, sir," he says. The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" Boudreaux says, "Each tree is dirty more...
Three young women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to their position in life, and it's clear that they're trying to one-up each other. The first one says, "My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation," and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor. The second one says, "Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes," and looks about with considerable pride. Young woman number three says, "Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't have much money and we don't have many material possessions. However, one thing I can tell you about my husband is that fourteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect penis." After this, the first one looks shamefaced and says, "Girls, I've got a confession to make: I was just trying to impress you. You know that vacation I was telling you about? Well, it's not to the French Riviera, it's to my folks' house in Terre Haute for two weeks." The second more...
We polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
A farm can produce produce.
The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.
The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
The present is a good time to present the present.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
The dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.
I had to subject the subject to a series of more...
Bureau Termination, Law of: When a government bureau is scheduled to be phased out, the number of employees in that bureau will double within 12 months after the decision is made.
Brooke`s Law: Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
Calkin`s Law of Menu Language: The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the dish.
Canada Bill Jones`s Motto: It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
Canada Bill Jones`s Supplement: A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
Captain Penny`s Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can`t Fool Mom.
Carlson`s Consolation: Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a bad example.
Carson`s Observation on Footwear: If the shoe fits, buy the other one, more...
Three young women are at a cocktail party.
The conversation turns to their position in life and it's clear that they are trying to one-up each other.
The first one says, "My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation," and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor.
The second one says, "Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes," and looks about with considerable pride.
Number three says, "Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't have much money and we don't have any material possessions. However, one thing I can tell you about my husband is that thirteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect penis."
After this, the first one looks shamefaced and says, "Girls, I've got a confession to make. I was just trying to impress you. You know that vacation I was telling you about? Well, it's not to the French Riviera, it's to my parents house for two weeks."
The second more...