Number Jokes / Recent Jokes

RING
RING
CLICK
Recording - "Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline."
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
Just stay on the line until we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press.
No one will answer.
(from my colleague Tony, who received it from a colleague, who...)

The teacher was conducting a class in nutrition and asked the class to name four qualities of mohter's milk.
Little Johnny pipes up and says, "I know teacher!"
Number One: It's fresh.
Number Two: It's nutritious.
Number Three: I't served at just the right temperature.
And Number Four: It comes in a cool container!

"Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline."
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press
2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and
6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

DIETING
Did you hear about the heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers, and many more. None worked.
One day, he was reading the Washington Post when he noticed a small ad which read:
Lose weight
Only $1.00 a pound
Call (202) 208-0238
The man decided to give it a try and called the number. A voice on the other end asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?" to which the man responded, "Ten pounds." The voice replied, "Very well, give me your credit card number and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning."
About 9:00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on the door.
There stood a beautiful redheaded woman, completely naked except for a sign around her neck stating, 'If you catch me, you can have me." Well, the hefty fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all more...

A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. "Sorry I can't serve you," states the barman. "Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice. "You're under 18," replies the barman.

Ring, ring.
Hello, and welcome to the psychiatric helpline.
If you have compulsive obsessions, please press number one several times.
If you have problem with the self esteem, ask somebody to press number two for
you.
If you have multiple personalities, press numbers 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid we know who you are and what you want, just keep the line
open until we have traced the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully; a small voice will let you know
which number to press.
If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. Nobody will
answer anyway.

The teacher was conducting a class in nutrition and asked the class to name four qualities of mohter's milk.Little Johnny pipes up and says, "I know teacher!"Number One: It's fresh.Number Two: It's nutritious.Number Three: I't served at just the right temperature.And Number Four: It comes in a cool container!