News Jokes / Recent Jokes

What does cunnilingus have in common with a presidential debate??
One slip of the toungue and you're in deep shit.

George W. Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning World War III".
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one intelligent blonde."
The guy exclaimed, "Intelligent blonde! Why kill a blonde?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass? I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

President Clinton, speaking in private with his advisor on public favor, told him that the planned invasion of Haiti will be the most unpopular thing that he has ever done as the President of the United States.
"Actually, sir, according to our research, the most unpopular thing you've ever done was to be inaugurated as President. It's just been downhill from there."

Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old you have to pay someone to look at you naked.
The good news about midlife is that the glass is still half-full... of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.
Midlife women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans... we are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.
You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in film.
Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. (It's more like Splat!)
Midlife brings the wisdom that life throws you curves... and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.
It's very hard to "get jiggy with it" in midlife... jiggly, yes; jiggy, no.
Midlife is when your 1970s Body-by-Jake now includes Legs-by-Rand McNally. (more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of the more...

Finally, Serbian hackers hacked the navigation systems of "Tomahawk" missiles - now they're called "Boomerang."

Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and the Green Bay Packers have in common?
A: They both BLEW the BIG one.

I heard that they got all of the Sadam look-alikes together and told them that they have some good news and some bad news.
The good news was that Sadam survived the bombings, so they all still had jobs.
One of the look-alikes asked,
"What's the bad news?"
The bad news, they were told, was that he lost an arm and an eye.