Natives Jokes / Recent Jokes

Santa and Banta fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later Santa takes a boat over to the other island to see how Banta is doing. When he gets there, he finds Banta standing among a group of natives.
"Greetings! How is it going?" says Santa.
"Wonderful!" says Banta, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!"
He points at a palm tree and says, "What is that?"
The natives, in unison, say, "Umbalo-gong!"
He then points at a rock and says, "And that?"
The natives again intone, "Umbalo-gong!"
"You see!", says the beaming Banta, "They use the SAME word for `rock` and for `palm tree`!"
"That is truly amazing!" says the astonished Santa, "On the other island, the same word means `index finger`!"

Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: (Gary Hart) This oblique reference to screwing is an obvious attempt to drag my personal life into this campaign. Frankly, I resent it, and the American people resent it.

Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: (Al Gore) As usual, the other left-wing wacko candidates are putting forth solutions that moderate Southerners won't cotton to on Super Tuesday. At least I hope not.

Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: (Paul Simon) My media experts tell me I'm foolish for wearing my hair the same way I did in the 50's. But that's what Paul Simon's all about. And I suppose my media experts are gonna say I'm foolish for this, but in all candor, I change my light bulbs the same way I did in the 50's: my wife gets on a ladder and I turn more...

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself "Oh God, I'm screwed!!!."
There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."
So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief.
As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, Gods voice booms out again: "Okay... NOW you're screwed."

A missionary visited a small village in a remote jungle and began preaching the gospel.
"Jesus saves!" exclaimed the missionary. "Bawana!" shouted the natives.
"Ye must be baptized!" exclaimed the missionary. "Bawana!" shouted the natives
"Donate tithes and offerings!" exclaimed the missionary. "Bawana!" shouted the natives.
Having had such a successful time, the missionalry inquired of the chief as to how he could go to the next village, to share the gospel with them too.
The chief replied, "You go down road one thousand paces, you turn right, climb over wall made of rocks, run across field. Many bulls in field, you run fast, but be careful not step in bawana."

Amazon Explorer (rated)
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm fucked."
There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out, "No, you are not fucked. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."
So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living crap out of the chief. As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, God's voice booms out again, "Okay.. .. NOW you're fucked."

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself' Oh God, I'm screwed!!!!!.'

There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out:' No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you.'

So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief.

As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces,

God's voice booms out again:' Okay. .... NOW you're screwed.'

What do you call 500 Natives running on the race track? The Indy 500.