National Jokes / Recent Jokes
The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate from an upper crust family, well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a redneck from Southeast Tennessee A & M.
The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu."
The Duke graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two,
Destination-Timbuktu.
The audience went wild!!! How, they wondered, could the redneck top that?!
The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped up and recited:
Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They was three, we was more...
The Indians asked their Chief in autumn, "Chief, is this coming winter going to be mild or cold?"
Not really knowing an answer, and knowing it was better to err on the side of caution, the chief replied, "It is uncertain at this time, but we should begin to prepare just in case. Collect wood as if it is going to be cold, and I'll see what more I can learn."
Being a good leader, he then went to the phone and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter going to be mild or cold?"
The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going to be quite cold indeed."
So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later, he again called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a cold winter?"
"Yes," the man replied, "it's going to be an extremely cold winter. The Indians are collecting all the wood they can find!"
NATIONAL FLOWER: Bunga Raya (Hibiscus). NATIONAL CAR: Proton. 2nd NATIONAL CAR: Perodua Kancil. 3rd NATIONAL CAR: Perodua Tikus it's suppose to be half the size of the Kancil, but somehow Malaysian drivers will still be able to squeeze in 6 or 7 passengers. NATIONAL BEHAVIOR AT CAR SHOWROOMS: First walk towards the car you are interested in. Then walk around the car in circles, tapping and knocking every part of the chassis with your knuckles. Then say something like "Body not very solid..." After that approach the front left tire, give it a few hard kicks to "test" the tire. Next walk to the rear right side and press the body of the car down a few times, while exclaiming "wah, asorbar not bad". Now you are ready for a "test drive" Get into the car and give the steering wheel a few turns. Flash the lights, sound the horn, recline the seats, open up every compartment etc. Do all these tests while you're pretending to read the more...
Ex-President Clinton is currently writing a new National Anthem.
It's called, "Yank My Doodle, It's a Dandy."
What does a blond think the last 2 words of the national anthem are? Play ball!
A photographer from a well known national magazine was assigned tocover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was sothick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for himto photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission torent a plane and take photos from the air. He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!'' The pilot swungthe little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in theair. The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three lowpasses so I can take some pictures." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer," he responded,"and photographers take photographs." The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "You meanyou're not the flight instructor?"
Below are questions that people "actually asked" of Park Rangers around the country, proving once again that there is no known limit to the depths of human stupidity.(Source: Outside Magazine)Grand Canyon National Park... Was this man-made? Do you light it up at night? I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom -- where is it? So where are the faces of the presidents? Everglades National Park... Are the alligators real? Are the baby alligators for sale? Where are all the rides? What time does the two o'clock bus leave? Denali National Park (Alaska)... What time do you feed the bears? Can you show me where the yeti lives? How often do you mow the tundra? How much does Mount McKinley weigh? Mesa Verde National Park... Did people build this, or did Indians? Why did they build the ruins so close to the road? What did they worship in the kivas -- their own made-up religion? Do you know of any undiscovered ruins? Why did the Indians decide to live in Colorado? Carlsbad more...