Napkins Jokes / Recent Jokes

This is more embarrassing for my mother than for me because I wasn't quite four years old when it happened. My mother taught me to read when I was 3 years old (her first mistake).

One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet door was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping napkins in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen? Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts she told me that those were for special occasions.

Now fast forward a few months. It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up the pastor and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table. When they returned, the pastor came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter.

Then came mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the more...

Last month I heard an item on the radio about a Martha Stewart Thanksgiving, which costs a mere $23, 000. That got me to thinking about what Martha Stewart really gives for Christmas presents? So, here it is, ladies and gentlemen:
On the first day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
a baked partridge in some pear sauce.
On the second day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
two English plum puddings
and a partridge in some pear sauce.
On the third day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
three French chocolates
two English plum puddings
and a partridge in some pear sauce.
On the fourth of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
four Baked Alaskas
three French chocolates
two English plum puddings
and a partridge in some pear sauce.
On the fifth day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
five cups of herbal tea,
four Baked Alaskas
three French chocolates
two English plum more...

One mistake my mom made when I was three: she taught me how to read the word napkin.
The second mistake she made: I asked her why "napkins" were under the sink. She said they were for "special occasions"
The third mistake she made: My mom asked me to set the table for the special occasion tonight. So I went to the bathroom and got the "napkins" for special ocassions, and set them on the table. When I got done, my dad came in and burst out in laughter, along with my uncle and aunt as they walked in. When my mom came in, her face turned bright red.