Monitor Jokes / Recent Jokes

I don't know if you know this, but they are now selling Kosher computers (Made in Israel ) called a DELLSHALOM. It is selling at such a good price I bought one. Mine arrived yesterday. If you or a friend are considering a kosher computer, you should know there are some important upgrades and changes from the typical computer you are used to, such as:
a. The cursor moves from right to left. It comes with two hard drives:one for fleyshedik (business software) and one for milchedik (games).
b. Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, it now gets "Ferklempt."
c. The Chanukah screen saver includes "Flying Dreidels."
d. It shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
e. After my computer dies, I have to dispose of it within 24 hours.
f . The "Start" button has been replaced with the "Let's go! I'm not getting any younger!" button.
g. When disconnecting external devices from the back of my more...

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a more...

This is a true story from the WordPerfect help line. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause". Actual dialogue of a former Word perfect Customer Support employee: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." "What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." "Went away?" "They disappeared." "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing." "Nothing?" "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?" "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?" "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" "There isn't any more...

1. "My hard disk won't boot". I suggest they take the floppy
> out of drive A:. Later when I arrive, they have successfully
> removed the floppy drive from the machine (with the floppy disk
> still inside).
>
> 2. "My dog goes nuts when I run Windows. No problem with any
> DOS programs". Her monitor had a cracked flyback transformer.
> When the multisync monitor switched scan rates upon entering
> Windows, the high frequency audio produced by the broken flyback
> was heard by the dog.
>
> 3. "Michaelangelo virus ate my hard disk, but I have a tape
> backup. Can you help me restore the system". No problem.
> When I arrive, I find the data on the tape was 18 months old and
> that she had never run a backup. "I thought you just shoved
> in the tape and it sucked up the data".
>
> 4. "How do I get on the national data information super highway?".
> I more...